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The SelfWork Podcast

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
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Now displaying: Page 7
Aug 14, 2020

John Moe first got my attention when I became a podcaster and listened to his very popular podcast The Hilarious World of Depression. What makes him unique and truly loved by his listeners is his transparency about his own depression and his very wry sense of humor. After making a living as a comic, a writer and then an NPR broadcaster,   he faced his own severe depression. As he interviewed comedians and celebrities for the podcast, he began to see similar behavior patterns and coping mechanisms in his conversations. He saw that there was tremendous comfort and community in talking about these experiences, (including his own suicidal thoughts and the actual suicide of his older brother Rick), and that humor had a unique power.

He's now written a new book by the same name. I found him a very smart, but modest and thoughtful person who was more than willing to be interviewed by me – not the most accomplished of interviewers as this was the first one I’ve done in literally years. So, I was honored that he wanted to a part of SelfWork.

The episode is about twice as long as most SelfWork episodes; but I think you’ll find that the time flies by. He’s a warm and fascinating guy, whose lived a lot of life, and wants to share what he’s learned. As a therapist, I wanted to know more about his depression, rather than about the podcast. And my questions reflect that. If you’ve ever been depressed, lived through a complex family life, even wondered if your depression might’ve been handed down to you within your family – what’s termed transgenerational trauma - this is the episode for you. Come laugh. Come learn. And come join me and John Moe for a conversation about learning to live with and manage chronic depression. .

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

The Hilarious World of Depression on Amazon

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Aug 10, 2020

Round Two is coming your way! I had both many women and men attend the Part One of this free workshop on July 30th and their questions were both poignant and intriguing. Part One explained the potential dangers of perfectionism and what exactly perfectly hidden depression is and why it occurs. If you missed Part One, no problem! You can watch it at my website: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/workshop

Now in Part Two, we'll talk about working and creating new strategies to handle this need and how to become someone who can accept yourself for both your strengths and your vulnerabilities. We'll cover the five stages of healing covered in my book as well as give a sampling of exercises from the book. 

The difference between my work on perfectionism and other workbooks is I talk about "why." Knowing the why you needed to look as if your life was perfect can lead you to a true change in your outlook and entire life. I hope you'll join me! August 13th, 6:00 EST. You can go to EventBrite to register or to my website: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/workshop. I'll see you there! 

Aug 7, 2020

Today we’re going to talk about embarrassment. I was listening to Brené Brown's relatively new podcast called Unlocking Us and heard her use a term I didn’t know. The term was self-conscious emotions and embarrassment is one of them. In this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll cover how young you are when you can feel embarrassment, what you can learn from failure, and the positive aspects of embarrassment. You might be surprised!

I’ve often said you learn a lot more from failure – and I personally have done just that. But how does it get to be something you can learn from rather than something you must avoid at all costs? Why is it that some people cannot tolerate being embarrassed and thus live extremely risk averse lives?

The listener email today is from a woman who only recently revealed sexual abuse to her therapist – before not even deeming it important enough to discuss - and how those revelations are changing her for the better.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

A Time article featuring Brené Brown's answers to ten questions

Dr. Michael Lewis’ research on embarrassment and child development

Tyson Hartnett article on fearing failure

Article in LifeScience by Remy Melina  about positive aspects embarrassment

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jul 31, 2020

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy( is all about discovering your mental mistakes or cognitive distortions - or as the CBT folks say, “Your stinkin thinkin". And CBT is the most recommended therapeutic method to fend off depression. It makes sense. It’s fairly easy to understand. And their premise is that if you change what you believe, then the emotions and actions that follow will be different and far healthier.

So today, in this episode sponsored again by BH, we’ll talk about the ten most common mental mistakes you can make and what to do about them.

The listener email for today is from a man whose addictions have created pain and severe illness. He takes responsibility but also states that his wife is stuck in believing that he’s feeling sorry for himself. He says he’s very depressed. This is a difficult situation where both sound angry and certainly not allied. What would you say to him? I’ll give it my own try..

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

An article describing David Burns' list of cognitive distortions from The Feeling Good Handbook

John Grohol's Psych Central article on ten ways to "fix" those mental mistakes

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

Jul 28, 2020

Hello everyone! Quick announcement today! I'm giving a free two-part workshop that begins this Thursday, July 30th at 6:00 CST and will continue on August 13th at the same time. It's entitled Perfectionism Meets Pandemic and is hosted by The Sisterhood for Success!

It's on the benefits and potential dangers of perfectionism, how the pandemic is affecting those with perfectionistic traits, and we'll also go into why someone develops the need for a perfect-looking life and what it may look like in every day life. Many perfectionists don't think they are "perfectionists" because they never give themselves credit for how well they do! 

The first workshop will be recorded and available on my website so register if you can't make it! 

I hope you'll join me! All you have to do is register through clicking this this link. Hope to see you there!

Jul 24, 2020

There’s a psychological dynamic called approach/avoidance and it’s when something you desire has both positive and negative implications. But the same words are used in considering relationships, where approach/avoidance (or withdrawal) can lead to a true deadlock and constantly recycle itself, with misunderstanding, grief, hurt and resentment steadily increasing.

You might think of approach as being the more controlling of the two energies, especially if the approach is made in anger. But my observations have been that withdrawal is incredibly potent. So in today’s episode of SelfWork sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk about that very potency and, as always, what you can do about it.

The listener email for today is from a young woman who read a blog post of mine on perfectly hidden depression (and now has become a listener) and wants know how to find a therapist. This is probably in the top five of all questions I receive and I'll answer it today.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

The list of the fifteen most compelling movie "goodbyes"

Article written on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – defined by Julie and John Gottman, very well-known marriage researchers.

Podcast on finding and interviewing a potential therapist

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jul 17, 2020

Transparency about my own journey with mental health has been very important to me, especially since writing on social media. I've named the illnesses that I've experienced: panic disorder and anorexia.  But I haven’t told the full story - the “why” of either of these problems – at least as best I understand it from my own perspective – and the perspectives of several therapists over the years.

I see them both now as issues with control. Trying to get control. Trying to hide from feeling out of control . Fearing looking out of control. So, in episode 189 sponsored by BetterHelp, I’m inspired and a little nervous today to tell you my story.

The listener email is from a young woman whose mom is undergoing some type of emotional breakdown after the death of her own father and how that dynamic could be affecting the writer’s choice about getting out of a  relationship.

Important Link:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jul 10, 2020

Risking the unfamiliar is something I focus on with almost every client I see, because we all get in the habit of adopting one emotional “face” – or have one emotion that’s our primary go-to response to almost anything. Some of those responses are more healthy than others, but the point of this episode will be to wonder what would happen if you risked feeling something you don’t ordinarily feel?

We'll talk about what's called The Karpman Triangle a bit, which is when someone is stuck in a victim/savior/persecutor response set. And I'll give four steps on how to risk feeling or saying or doing something unfamiliar. It can be transformative.

The listener email for today is from a young woman who in the last six months has experienced unbelievable trials – and now is suffering from a desire to be invisible and alone. I’ll do my best to help her understand that what she’s experiencing is tremendous trauma.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

A well-written Forbes article describing The Karpman Triangle response set

This extremely poignant article by Courtney Enlow on depression and wanting to become invisible.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jul 3, 2020

The answer to the title question is yes. Most of us who aren’t in denial about the seriousness of this pandemic are experiencing more anxiety.. We’re washing our hands more - careful about what we pick up or how we touch things -wearing masks or even face shields. Today, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, I’m going to share some facts about how three different mental illnesses may be emerging or escalating during this Covid pandemic.

First OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder Second, phobias – such as germaphobia (fear of germs/bacteria/viruses) or agoraphobia (fears concerning leaving the house – more limiting than social anxiety) And third,  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.

The listener email is from someone who's heard from their partner that they're stepping on the identity of their partner. Yet they feel unaware and are asking for my help. It's an interesting question to ask: What if I'm not aware and don't agree with what my partner is questioning?

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Very well-explained article in Web MD about Germaphobia and OCD

Here’s a great breakdown of the different “kinds” of obsessions and their accompanying compulsions

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Jun 26, 2020

Getting lost in a relationship. .. if you’ve ever done it, you know the sinking feeling in your gut that comes when you think about it again. Somehow your “self” – the you that you knew before the relationship began - got ignored, changed, forgotten, absorbed, or even ridiculed. There are lots of reasons how this could happen. Actual abuse, manipulation by someone with narcissistic traits or other disorders, being lied to and deceived. Doing all the giving and very little receiving. I could go on and on about the “why’. But today, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, I'll be sharing my own story of "self"-recovery. And we'll turn to Dr. Guy Winch's advice about putting you back together again – but in a new and hopefully wiser way.

The listener email is from a man whose wife displays many of the traits of perfectly hidden depression, but he doesn’t know how to approach her, and he’s also wondering about how perfectionism could be viewed through the lens of attachment theory.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Test to assess attachment styles found in Psychology Today

The article by Dr. Guy Winch

Article entitled "The Darker Side of Perfectionism which addresses its relationship with perfectionism

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Test to assess attachment styles found in Psychology Today

The article by Dr. Guy Winch

Article entitled "The Darker Side of Perfectionism which addresses its relationship with perfectionism

 

 

 

Jun 19, 2020

Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!

Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

2013 research on teleheatth

The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health

Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com

Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork

Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 19, 2020

Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!

Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

2013 research on teleheatth

The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health

Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com

Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork

Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 19, 2020

Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!

Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

2013 research on teleheatth

The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health

Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com

Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork

Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 19, 2020

Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!

Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

2013 research on teleheatth

The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health

Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com

Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork

Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 19, 2020

Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!

Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

2013 research on teleheatth

The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health

Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com

Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork

Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 12, 2020

Warning: This episode uses examples from the lives of real people who’ve been bullied by their own parents. So please listen with caution. Here  are a couple of numbers, one for the sexual abuse textline in the US and one for the US National Suicide Hotline.

In this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk about bullies that might be in your life today. Or from your past. What makes someone a bully? Is being a bully a diagnostic category? And as always, what can you do about it and how can you heal?

The listener email is from a young woman who sounds to me as if she has, sadly, gone from the frying pan into the fire, and chosen a familiar pain – one that she felt in the biological famly, and now playing that out with the family she married into.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Story line of Toy Story 3 -

Teaser for  Mean Girls

Teaser for Wonder

Episode 139 on borderline and narcissistic personality disorder.

Blog post on domestic violence and the difficulty in leaving.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

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Jun 5, 2020

Wow. Questions about perfectly hidden depression (PHD) are pouring in! And of course that gives me a thrill. But also there's understandable confusion. Perfectionism is supposed to be about anxiety, not depression, right? (The answer is yes and a definite no -- not all the time.) Is the depression that’s covered up by perfectionism the same as classic depression? And so many others. The questions come from all age groups and describe very different kinds of reasons or pathways on how they fell into needing to look perfect. Your questions deserve my time and attention.

SelfWork isn’t therapy. I obviously don’t have a therapeutic relationship with people who write in, so I encourage each and every one of these listeners to seek therapy locally or online. If you need to take the book or a podcast into that therapist and begin the session with, “I’m very often not who I look like I am," then that’s where you start.

So we don't have one listener email today, but six. Thank you all so much for writing in.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

May 29, 2020

Today we’re going to talk about staying busy – not the welcome kind of busyness where you’re actually doing things you love that bring you fulfillment, but the kind of busyness that basically serves as filler in your life. You couldn’t tell me why you’re doing it, or how you got started – other than to say that you’re scared to stop – because you fear a loss of control. I'll offer five tangible ways you can face your fears of change and figure out if too much of your life is spent filling time rather than risking true fulfillment.

So today, in an episode sponsored by BetterHelp, I’m talking about busyness that’s all about staying in control. It’s definitely tied into the entire presentation of perfectly hidden depression (PHD)  – and so this belongs in the episodes about PHD already featured here. If you’ve not listened to them, the first two are extremely early – Episodes 003 and 004and the rest are interspersed throughout.

Our listener email for today is from someone who heavily identifies with PHD but also is struggling with a highly dangerous eating disorder – so you can hear my advice to her.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

May 22, 2020

Today we’re going to focus on what people mean when they say someone they love “had a nervous breakdown.” What does that phrase really mean and is it a real thing? Or some kind of slang we’ve adopted to describe something we don’t really understand... On this episode of SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll discuss how someone can avoid a ‘breakdown” versus being aware of emotional stress or trauma that needs to have a place to vent – to be let go – to be released.

We’ll talk a little history as well – going back to Sigmund Freud who’s considered the creator of psychoanalysis. Some of his ideas have been refuted but some others were right on track. And certainly his term “Hysteria” is something we still see today - and still don’t completely  understand.

The listener email today is from a listener from Thailand who was confused about the difference between self-pity and depression… I talked about this in Episode 153 but called it “a victim mentality” which I think is probably more accurate. But I’ll address his specific question.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!.

The article from  British author Chris Nicholson  on Freud

The GoodReads link for "It's All In Your Head"

Acute stress disorder

Mayo Clinic’s article on nervous breakdowns

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

May 15, 2020

I’ve watched hundreds of people cry over the years. Some will do everything in their power to stop it while some allow them to come easily. But it’s a very moving moment when you see and feel someone break through some emotional wall or barrier they had built – and allow themselves to connect with sadness or pain that’s been silently carried for far too long. In fact, it’s quite an honor to be allowed into that emotional space.

In this episode. sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk first about crying  But then we’ll define emotional intelligence (EI) and identify what positive psychologists believe its importance to be. And the good news? You can build EI. We'll discuss the four pillars of emotional intelligence, basically what it's based on, and as always, what you can do about it.

The listener email for today is all about trying to help a parent (or it could be a friend or loved one) fight against loneliness and depression.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!.

A well-written article on crying by Dr. Nick Knight.

An article by Nicole Fisher in Forbes Magazine about how the brain processes physical and emotional pain

An  article in The Atlantic. on the darker side of emotional intelligence.

Maria Conceição Serraon on the four pillars of emotional intelligence.

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You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

May 8, 2020

There’s a worldwide recognition that we can never be grateful enough for the things we so often take for granted. And there are many who are facing this current “unprecedented” stress with that kind of gratitude. Others are struggling more. So how is it that some seem more resilient than others?

We'll break down this episode talking about the definition of trauma, the major things that put resilience to the test, and the four most common responses to stress. Then, we'll move quickly on to ten tangible things you can do to build your own resilience - as always, "what you can do about it."

The listener email today is from someone who was offering much-appreciated support for my work here at SelfWork - and include an important message for all my listeners.

Important links and quotes for today:

Psychology Today article quoted frequently in this episode.

African Proverb: "The wind does not break a tree that bends." 

Maya Angelou: “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

E. L. Doctorow: "It's like driving a car at night. You may never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 1, 2020

How do you set up a situation where you can safely talk about something painful from your past? Today’s episode was sparked by a listener telling me that she’d been sexually abused, and is now dissociating during sex with her very loving husband. He's aware of her history, but hasn’t a clue about what she’s truly experiencing. How could she open up to him? I'll be going over seven steps to that will help to create as much safety as possible for that emotional conversation.

I want to welcome BetterHelp as a new sponsor to SelfWork. I'm excited about the possibility of my audience benefitting from their service and they have a special offer coming your way!

The listener email is from a woman who's identified with perfectly hidden depression, but is quite concerned about finding a therapist that will maintain her confidentiality.

Important Links mentioned in the episode:

RAINN's sexual abuse crisis line

Episode 007 on the pros and cons of telling about sexual abuse

The Body Keeps the Score: Bessel Van Der Kolk

Courage to Heal Workbook by Laura Davis

Courage to Heal Workbook for Partners called Allies for Healing

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apr 24, 2020

Sleep and sex – how does a couple balance out these two needs and desires?  How many times have I heard a couple argue about whether or not they’re having enough sex. One will usually say I’m too exhausted. The other feels rejected. Both feel unappreciated and hurt.  I'll offer a couple of tips from experts and couples themselves about how they balance two different libidos and two different sleep styles while managing to reach a compromise. And by the way, there was a study done several years ago that tested different factors (including level of salary)  to see which ones might lead to greater life satisfaction and sense of happiness. The two that were most powerful? Sexual satisfaction (being content in your sex life) and sleep – getting enough of it. That’s an eye opener for sure.

The listener email today is from someone who wants to know how to talk with her spouse about abuse she suffered as a child. I’ll give her my answer!

Important Links:

Dr. Pat Love's Hot Monogamy

One of Dr. David Schnarch's first books on sexual intimacy and couples.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apr 17, 2020

We’re going to talk about disappointment today. Mainly, how can you keep it from leading to actual depression? We'll go through what the role of expectations play and their connection with irrational beliefs, using the model of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). We'll also discuss five important steps that can help you work through disappointment and discover the meaningful gifts it can bring.

The listener email for today is from a mom who was very angry with me – and who started to cuss me out for writing a post that her daughter had sent to her. But she managed to corral her defensiveness and let the words sit with her – as she began to be more objective and acknowledge what had occurred between them. I was impressed with her turnaround and wanted to share her story with you.

Important Links:

The article in the Harvard Business review and Winston Churchill's story

The 11 irrational beliefs as touted by REBT and its founder Albert Ellis

Dr. Sophie Henshaw's  article in Psych Central that offered the structure for my own discussion of working through disappointment, a great read in and of itself. And a slightly different view than my own.

A website page that was full of quotes about disappointment.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Apr 10, 2020

Do you sabotage relationships that have potential? Are you risk averse? Do you commit too quickly or are you passively going along with the relationship continuing? Today we're talking about several ways you can sabotage a relationship's potential or you can end in a relationship that's simply not healthy. As this podcast is being recorded when so many of us are staying home with family, we’re enjoying the strengths of the relationships we’ve built – but also perhaps bearing up under the brunt of ones that aren’t what we’d hoped they would be. Or you're home alone, wondering why certain relationships "never worked."

The listener email today is one that is very timely – and we’re going to spend a good bit of time on it -- what you’re seeing in your relationships on lockdown. It's from one woman who isn’t able to escape how there’s no sense of partnership or even enjoyment of being together.. and she's therefore lonelier than ever. She wrote me back after this episode was recorded and told me that the podcast on apathy was actually very helpful to her.

Important Links:

Episode 069 on the victim/savior relationship.

Raquel Peel's TED Talk on anticipating failure in relationships

My own podcast on combatting apathy in relationships

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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