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The SelfWork Podcast

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
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Now displaying: Page 6
Nov 27, 2020

Whether or not you believe that dreams have meaning (and almost half of Americans think that’s true…), you probably have had many types of dreams. Today, in another episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we're going to talk about the diverse categories of dreams  – and then the proposed “meaning” of those very dreams. We'll look into what can bring nightmares on as well as the most recent research on what's termed "lucid dreaming." Early psychiatrists certainly believed and espoused that dreams had unconscious meanings – that they are created by the part of our mind that lives in the background of our consciousness but influences and guides us. So today we’ll talk about nine categories of dreams and then travel into the land of what dreams may mean.. maybe for fun or maybe, for those of you who have a strong relationship with your dreams, to employ them for healing.

Our listener email today is from a young woman who’s suffered multiple traumas in her life… sexual abuse and her mother’s dying right in front of her.. Terrible things. And she wonders how to heal.. and if she can have hope..

Importants Links: We have a lot of them today!

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

A Psychology Today article on dreaming

Book by Preston Ni.. and referenced article 

Quote from Dr. Kelly Bulkeley

Information about the cause of nightmares on WebMD

YouTube video on dreaming

What dreams may mean  article in VeryWell Mind

Very recent research at MIT on lucid dreaming

C-PTSD information on VeryWell Mind

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Nov 20, 2020

A  few weeks ago, a patient looked at me and said, “I realized that what I needed  - I’d had all along. It’s like the ruby red slippers. You simply have to know their power and your own power.”

I haven’t been able to get that notion out of my head since that session. We all have the capacity to learn, to understand, to see and to have confidence in ourselves - but we can sabotage and discount our strengths, values, talents, and gut feelings. In this episode, I decided to trust my own red slippers in this episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, and allow my own mind and heart to create a list of ten things that can build self-confidence - and with humility I bring it to you.

This is Movember – the month where men’s issues, specifically in the way so many disregard their medical and mental health, are highlighted by men growing mustaches – in a light-hearted but very sincere attempt to throw light on men. Thus the listener email is from a man who writes that he’s begun having symptoms of anxiety and panic at a time when he and his wife are having troubles and she wants a separation.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels.

 

 

Nov 18, 2020

Trigger Alert: This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse, so please listen with care.

Movember is a movement whose focus is to raise concern and awareness about the state of men's health, both medical and mental, in the United States. I myself have seen firsthand how extremely difficult it is for many men to seek help or open up at all about what’s going on with them. So I thought about who I could approach to help achieve Movember’s mission, and one person immediately came to mind. That person was Lewis Howes, and he graciously agreed to be interviewed.

Lewis overcame tremendous obstacles, including a learning disability, bullying and sexual abuse on his way to becoming a media sensation and a New York Times bestselling author. His podcast, The School of Greatness, is rated in the top 100 of all podcasts, garnering 250 million downloads in seven short years. His books, the first also entitled The School of Greatness, and his second, The Masks of Masculinity, have reached millions of readers as well. All while he followed his own path to working through the very experiences that had led him to be angry and feel victimized at every turn for years. He's here on SelfWork to talk about those experiences, and the necessary but frightening choices he made to open up about what had happened, allow others to truly see him, and to achieve a much deeper way of living.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

The School of Greatness Podcast

Dr, Margaret's Interview on The School of Greatness

The School of Greatness (book)

The Masks of Masculinity

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nov 13, 2020

I’ve been surprised over the years about the things people believe about alcohol use that’s very old-school. For example, that for the use of alcohol to be a problem, you’ve got to be lying in a ditch somewhere, having lost your job and friends. Or if you can go a long time without drinking, then you don’t have an issue.

Statistics show that one out of every eight people in the US fit criteria for alcohol use disorder, as it’s called now. It can cause all kinds of pain for both the drinker and those that love them. Especially curiously for those who are high-functioning drinkers – people whose lives look quite intact socially and/or professionally, who can be quite successful and engaged in their own right. Yet they drink. A lot. Whether it’s a part of family gatherings, the music you listen to, gameday celebrations – if you drink to celebrate and drink to grieve – it can be detrimental to just about everything about you.

And what remains astounding is how easy it is to stay in denial about it. So that's the topic for today on SelfWork, with this episode again sponsored by BetterHelp.

The listener emails was from someone who was letting me know that my writing had been disappointing to her. And so I listened and responded.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Top Ten Country Drinking Songs

Discussion of criteria for Alcohol Use Disorder

What's happening with alcohol use with the pandemic

One Year No Beer Sobriety Article

Episode 058 on Codependency

Codependent No More

Facing Codependence

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Nov 10, 2020

I originally wrote this in July of 2016 in the wake of natural disasters, shootings, and tragedies overseas. I’m offering it again to you today with a few nods to what we are going through together as the world faces this pandemic. I wish you all well.

I sat down to write early this morning, and could only think of the many tragedies, caused by humans and by nature, that have been occurring for the last few weeks and months. I felt paralyzed. Broadcasters keep using the term "unprecedented" and they are right. Especially here in the United States, there are few areas where there is not division and unrest. 

How could what I have to say matter? Then I remembered a stranger's kindness, and I smiled.

We can always choose kindness. 

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

We can always choose kindness.

Nov 6, 2020

I thought today might be a great day to post an episode about acting maturely, as we in the US have gone through a very divisive election and hopefully will be trying to mend and heal and carry on. I'll be back next week and can't wait to fill you in on what's been happening!

This is a very early episode... but the message is one that's a thread throughout my clinical work with patients - and now, you.

Feeling mature, decisive, not being reactive but responsive, having insight into our own behavior and changing that behavior when it’s appropriate – when we can do these things, we are acting in our adult selves. So much of how or how long that takes depends on what happened to us as kids. In this episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll talk about your childhood strategies – the ways you unconsciously coped with whatever was present in your family. If you’re still using the same guide or strategy, you might be stuck, or not actually dealing with life as it is now. We'll define not only different strategies, but how and why you came up with them. What are clues that you’re still using your childhood strategy, and how you can change it — if it’s not working for you now?

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Nov 1, 2020

Today is the first anniversary of Perfectly Hidden Depression's  publication and I'm honored to tell you that it's being translated into seven more languages, including Korean, Hungarian, and Russian. So in this episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, and when we're on a bit of vacation, I'm reposting your questions and my answers about PHD.

The first is from a writer who is losing her battle between creativity and perfectionism; the second from a wife and mother who is busy all day, but feels “blah” at night. A young woman used the SpeakPipe feature of the podcast (see below..) and  asks about how to move from what she terms “self-hatred” to “self-love." And the last is from a man who’s tried therapist after therapist, but now realizes that he tried to be the perfect patient and never revealed parts of himself that might show him in a vulnerable light. How can he begin to be real?

Thank you for all these questions! If you're interested, I've also shared the first published excerpt from my book, Perfectly Hidden Depression, on my website -- just click here! 

Important links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

The Questionnaire for perfectly hidden depression

The National Suicide Hotline

You can hear more about coping with depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Oct 30, 2020

We're on vacation so I've selected several of my favorite podcasts from the first 100 episodes. Again sponsored by BetterHelp, they're my favorites either because of some personal reason or they lay out a practical "what you can do about it" approach! We'll be back November 13th with fresh episodes but I hope you really enjoy this blast from the past.

There's lots of information out there about how to stop beating yourself up or how to increase your self-esteem. But how do-able is it? 'm offering three practical exercises for you to try -- things that I've offered as ideas to my own patients who are struggling with depression and low self-esteem, and are convinced that others look down on them, that they're unacceptable, or that they don't have what it takes to create a good life. You can try these out for yourself!

The email listener for today questions whether or not she has borderline personality disorder, and seems to discount having suicidal thoughts.

Important links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns (audiobook)

Breaking The Patterns Of Depression by Dr. Michael Yapko

The Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Suicide Prevention Texting Hotline: CONNECT 741741

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Oct 27, 2020

We're on vacation so I've chosen several podcasts to feature during our absence that are special to me and are from the "early" years (or the first 100 podcasts that you may not have listened to...).

“Always be humble and kind” was a huge country hit several years ago, and I talk in this episode about making mistakes but then using them to actually learn something about yourself  - which definitely takes some humility. So, what's the process involved in that kind of learning ?  In this special "Second Time Around" post, sponsored by BetterHelp, I'll offer five pragmatic ideas about how to accept mistakes, and offer specific questions to ask so that you may be less likely to make them all over again. The process takes integrity, humility and even courage.

Today’s email from a listener is on coping with friends and family not being as close as they used to be, when you’re struggling with depression or anxiety. How do you not feel abandoned?

We'll be back with fresh podcasts on November 13th so see you then!

Important links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Daphne Kingma’s book, “Coming Apart”

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Oct 23, 2020

We're on vacation! So I've chosen a few podcasts that were part of the first one hundred episodes that were either near and dear to me or were definite "what to do about it" episodes - the "how to" episodes. Since this week is my birthday week, I decided to feature one of my favs on aging where I use my own life and experience to highlight a point. This one is not talking about aging just gracefully, but with the acceptance and understanding of how each generation within a healthy family can shift roles while all individuals continue to respect and value one another.

We'll be back on with new episodes November 13th! So see you then! And hope you enjoy.

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Oct 23, 2020

We're on vacation! So I've chosen a few podcasts that were part of the first one hundred episodes that were either near and dear to me or were definite "what to do about it" episodes - the "how to" episodes. Since this week is my birthday week, I decided to feature one of my favs on aging where I use my own life and experience to highlight a point. This one is not talking about aging just gracefully, but with the acceptance and understanding of how each generation within a healthy family can shift roles while all individuals continue to respect and value one another.

We'll be back on with new episodes November 13th! So see you then! And hope you enjoy.

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Oct 21, 2020

This "The Gist" is coming out on my own birthday - so perhaps that's why I wanted to know more about what makes our biological clocks tick a bit louder. Pregnancy and midlife obviously jump to mind as probably the most well-known times when your sense of time and maybe even urgency about it may influence your choices. So we'll talk about how to manage that ticking - so you make good choices instead of ones you'll come to regret.

Important Links:

Thought Catalogue's  funny piece on a conversation a woman might have with her uterus.

Article on tokophobia

Rutgers study on the male biological clock

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Oct 16, 2020

People who are in crisis, whether it's mental, emotional or physical, usually report a very similar path to me. At first, everyone is there. Food and flowers are delivered after a death; people offer to take your kids if you’re recovering from surgery, or you had a car wreck, or your home was damaged in a tornado. If your friends know you’ve broken up with your significant other, you get texts and funny memes sent to you.

But what happens a few weeks after that? A silence usually descends. And you’re left to cope on your own. When the loss or the struggle is chronic – when you're in for a long haul, the silence can be even more deafening.

So today in this episode sponsored by. BetterHelp, we’re going to focus on how to listen. How to figure out the right thing to say. How to get tuned in.

Our listener email for today poses a very direct question about holding onto the past and not being able to work through grief and loss. Instead even years later, this listener feels overwhelmed by suddenly losing the life she’d worked very hard to create and now can’t seem to live in the present.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Emma-Marie Smith's article on what to say (and not say) when someone is depressed

Symptoms of complicated grief (Mayo Clinic)

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Oct 16, 2020

People who are in crisis, whether it's mental, emotional or physical, usually report a very similar path to me. At first, everyone is there. Food and flowers are delivered after a death; people offer to take your kids if you’re recovering from surgery, or you had a car wreck, or your home was damaged in a tornado. If your friends know you’ve broken up with your significant other, you get texts and funny memes sent to you.

But what happens a few weeks after that? A silence usually descends. And you’re left to cope on your own. When the loss or the struggle is chronic – when you're in for a long haul, the silence can be even more deafening.

So today in this episode sponsored by. BetterHelp, we’re going to focus on how to listen. How to figure out the right thing to say. How to get tuned in.

Our listener email for today poses a very direct question about holding onto the past and not being able to work through grief and loss. Instead even years later, this listener feels overwhelmed by suddenly losing the life she’d worked very hard to create and now can’t seem to live in the present.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Emma-Marie Smith's article on what to say (and not say) when someone is depressed

Symptoms of complicated grief (Mayo Clinic)

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Oct 9, 2020

I had the great pleasure of talking to New York Times best-selling author, Terri Cheney, a couple of weeks ago. She's come forward the last few years to reveal her struggle with severe bipolar disorder in books that are as transparent as they are dramatic. I read her her newest book, Modern Madness, and frankly couldn't put it down. And even though I've been a clinician for over twenty-five years, I learned so much from her vivid explanations and revelations about just what goes on inside someone's mind when they cycle from struggling with thought of suicide to high-flying mania.

Terri's former profession was as a highly successful entertainment lawyer, with clients such as Quincy Jones and Michael Jackson. She now advocates for mental health awareness and leads a campaign to #TellMeWhereItHurts - urging people to ask questions and really listen to the answers from those who need compassion and to be seen for themselves, not their disease.

I know that this will be helpful to anyone who listens. And maybe, you'll choose to say, "Tell Me Where It Hurts" yourself. It's a beautiful gift to give someone who struggles emotionally and mentally.

Important Links:

Modern Madness

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Oct 2, 2020

When I began looking for how to shape this 200th episode of SelfWork, I wanted to share my own major self-doubts about creating SelfWork. Was I truly an expert? What if I made mistakes? But that wasn't the worst. There was one more that was even stronger... so I turned to the wisdom of Maya Angelou for some help. And I received it from her - and will share it today with you.

We’re going to talk about confronting self-doubt. We all have insecurities; even the people that don’t look like they do – do. But why does self-doubt stop some people and not others? What gives self-doubt power?

But today is also about celebrating 200 episodes of SelfWork, as I had to conquer my own substantial self-doubt to begin. Several of you sent in recordings and emails telling me what SelfWork has meant to you, and I will include a couple of them. You were kind and oh so generous. I also have an amazing team to thank - there are really no words to say how much each of them means to me. Their talents make SelfWork what is has become. And their talents and your presence will help it to grow into something even stronger and better.

But let’s get to the topic of confronting self-doubt in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp – and what can be the result. And then we’ll celebrate!

Important links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Tribute to Maya Angelou

Article by Margie Warrell in Forbes 

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Oct 2, 2020

When I began looking for how to shape this 200th episode of SelfWork, I wanted to share my own major self-doubts about creating SelfWork. Was I truly an expert? What if I made mistakes? But that wasn't the worst. There was one more that was even stronger... so I turned to the wisdom of Maya Angelou for some help. And I received it from her - and will share it today with you.

We’re going to talk about confronting self-doubt. We all have insecurities; even the people that don’t look like they do – do. But why does self-doubt stop some people and not others? What gives self-doubt power?

But today is also about celebrating 200 episodes of SelfWork, as I had to conquer my own substantial self-doubt to begin. Several of you sent in recordings and emails telling me what SelfWork has meant to you, and I will include a couple of them. You were kind and oh so generous. I also have an amazing team to thank - there are really no words to say how much each of them means to me. Their talents make SelfWork what is has become. And their talents and your presence will help it to grow into something even stronger and better.

But let’s get to the topic of confronting self-doubt in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp – and what can be the result. And then we’ll celebrate!

Important links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Tribute to Maya Angelou

Article by Margie Warrell in Forbes 

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Sep 29, 2020

Today's "You Get the Gist" is about nomophobia. And you have to listen to find out what it is. (There's a test for it in the show notes below...)  I admit it. I have it. Not a severe case, but I'm as guilty as the next guy. So what follows is what it is and as always, what you can do about it. So now, you get the gist.

Important Links:

Here’s a test to see if you have it, created by Iowa State University.

American Academy of Sleep Medicine article on sleep and nomophobia.

Psychology Today  great article by Susan Weinschenk  on our brain chemistry and how it responds to our phones.

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Sep 25, 2020

What is a trauma bond? How does it form? Why is it important for that dynamic to have its own label or name” Trauma bonding happens when trust is highly manipulated; when commitment and trying to make a relationship work is used against someone as a way to keep them in denial or disbelief that a relationship is harmful to them. I’ve been there. I still have never revealed all that happened in that relationship; so much of it is now such clear abuse, I’m flabbergasted I didn’t see it for what it was. But I didn’t. Or I did, but then my need to ‘make the relationship work’ went to work.

I’ve found some authors who’ve written about it to help shine some light on the why and the how…Patrick Carnes may have been the first and we’ll give his definition of trauma bonding as well as the broader one. It’s also been associated or talked about as “the same” as Stockholm Syndrome, which we'll discuss.

Our listener email for today is from someone who wants some answers about enmeshment and what she terms “covert narcissism” – It sounds like she’s the daughter and feels enmeshed or has been told perhaps she’s enmeshed with him. It’s very much like our topic so I thought it meshed well with the topic.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

John Kim, aka The Angry Therapist provides an article on trauma bonding

A BBC article on Stockholm syndrome

An  article in VeryWellMind.discusses features of covert narcissism

Wikipedia article on trauma bonds

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sep 20, 2020

Today I’m starting some segments that will feature what’s going on in the news about mental health. I’ll touch on my thoughts and responses - So you’ll get the gist. Less than five minutes and hopefully packed with information.

Today’s You Get the Gist is about the recent athletes who’ve come forward to talk openly about their mental health struggles. Men and women we look up to for their athletic prowess and resilience – but they also have their own struggles.

Important Links:

Victoria Garrick did a TedX in California about college athletes and mental/emotional struggles

Dak Prescott of the Dallas Cowboys  recently revealed treatment for anxiety and depression

Michael Phelps produced  Weight of Gold about Olympians that describes the terrible depression, suicidal thoughts and actions and identity issues after their Olympic days are over.

Kudos to them. For sure.

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Sep 18, 2020

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and I want to be a part of debunking what are commonly believed myths concerning suicide. I also want to make sure you're safe. If you become triggered, here's the link to all the suicide services that are known in every country that provides them. It helps to reach out – that’s been proven over and over… so please if you need to talk or text someone, click that link.

I've chosen twelve myths that are common to hear and then give the facts. Sometime the experts disagree or issues are more complex, but it's so important to stop saying that suicide is selfish or that only people with mental illness die by suicide.

The listener email for today is from someone who couldn’t find grief on the feeling wheel that I discussed in the suck it up episode – which was really an episode on not sucking it up… She’s overwhelmed by grief and doesn’t know how to get through it…

Important links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Article about the pandemic’s effect on suicide worldwide

Shahnaz study 2018

Dr. Kristin Fuller for The NAMI Blog

An article to help you learn and understand the warnings signs

Article on suicide by Magellan Health resource

NPR article about What’s best with teens and kids

193 SelfWork: Conversation with John Moe (The Hilarious World of Depression)

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sep 11, 2020

Radical acceptance is a termed that describes a way of being - acknowledging the reality of what is happening rather than fighting it emotionally and thus, causing yourself, and perhaps even others, more suffering. I very much like a Carl Rogers quote that Tara Brach, author of the 2003 best-seller, Radical Acceptance, used in her book; “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Radical acceptance takes that idea even further – that accepting what happens in your life also brings a much greater ability to cope rationally with it.

The listener email is from a therapist who’s dating someone who sounds severely depressed. And she doesn’t know what to do. I’ll see if I can come up with a couple of ideas for her – and all you “helpers” (and I’m one of them) get helped yourself.

And this episode is once again sponsored by BetterHelp!

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Blog post about empty nest called Separate Houses

Article by Margarita Tartaskovsky in Psych Central.

Excerpt from Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Sep 4, 2020

Today we’ll be focusing on anger in relationships.  I've seen anger completely mismanaged and it can sabotage what started out as a relationship with much potential. We'll discuss some basic characteristics of anger that are vital to know, as well as a specific dialectical behavioral technique called DEARMAN - which is an effective way of remembering and practicing how to communicate with others about your anger, disappointment or frustration.

Our listener email today is from someone who heard my interview with Chris Do on YouTube. She asks what to do when she’s getting a divorce and how to handle a sense of isolation and lack of money. These are practical problems so many people have – and it can seem as if there’s no way to help yourself. But you can look for what you have control over.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Blog Post on anger

Explanation of the DEARMAN technique

More specific examples of DBT and D-E-A-R-M-A-N

Book by Spradlin on DBT and its effectiveness

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Aug 28, 2020

Today's topic was weirdly and almost synergistically created. As I was researching emotional expression, two quite different sources led me to the work of Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett. I'll share her and Dr. Tim Lomas' work with you today, as we discover an entirely new way of thinking about how emotions are created. And maybe just why someone who's learned to "suck it up" struggles to even feel painful emotion at all.

The listener email today was created due to my sticking my foot in my mouth and saying something that was incorrect and potentially hurtful.  A listener. who’s also a therapist and has shared this podcast with several of her clients, was very disappointed in me for something I said in the most recent podcast. And she was absolutely right. So I want to set the record straight. I’ve already apologized to her privately, but I wanted to correct and publicly address my overly hasty words.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

A BBC article: by Dr. Tim Lomas

And a quote from him: “In our stream of consciousness – that wash of different sensations feelings and emotions – there’s so much to process that a lot passes us by,” Lomas says. “The feelings we have learned to recognise and label are the ones we notice – but there’s a lot more that we may not be aware of. And so I think if we are given these new words, they can help us articulate whole areas of experience we’ve only dimly noticed.”

Article by Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett

https://www.wired.co.uk/article/lisa-feldman-barrett-emotions

And a quote from her:  "If you think about it from a brain's standpoint, it's trapped in a dark, silent box called your skull, and has no access to the causes of the sensations it receives. It only has the effects, and it has to figure out what caused them. So how does it do this? There’s one other thing it can use, and that’s past experience. The idea is that your brain is constantly predicting what sensory inputs to expect and what action to take, based on past experience. Then it uses the incoming input to either confirm its prediction, or change it. It works this way for vision, hearing, taste—for every sense. I think the way emotions are made is not special: your brain makes an emotion by using prior experiences of emotion to predict and explain incoming sensory inputs, and guide action."

Link to a Feelings Wheel

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Aug 21, 2020

I had a patient say to me the other day, not in a complaining way, but sort of in a “can’t believe it” kind of way – “I’ve been in therapy with you now for a year. I thought I’d be here for maybe a couple of months.” I want to share a bit of his story as well as others who’ve used therapy not to simply make immediate changes in the direction they’ve wanted or needed - but to make lasting change. Change that sticks.

There are certainly problems like eating disorders, complex trauma and chronic conditions that take patience and time. And you may need to stay in therapy for quite a while in order to risk very difficult changes. But often, therapy is more solution-focused. So today, in this episode of SelfWork sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to focus in on what makes change stick.

Our listener email for today is from someone who says both he and his partner identify with PHD.. So what should they do? I have some ideas...

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Article by Dr. Sean Young in Psychology Today on Neurohacking

An article in Good Therapy on brain spotting and EMDR

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

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