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The SelfWork Podcast

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
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Aug 12, 2022

Today we’re going to focus on how to help your teen with depression through an interview with a  great guest, 19 year-old Sadie Sutton, host of the podcast She Persisted. She was first diagnosed with depression when she was 13 and by the age of 14, had been hospitalized four times for severe depression, anxiety, and suicidality. Realizing things were going nowhere fast, her parents took her to McLean Hospital, a residential inpatient program. And it was there  - life changed.

Why should you listen and share her story? Suicide is the second-leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 24 in the US. 20% of high school students report serious thoughts of suicide and 9% have made attempts. Ohio State football player Harry Miller’s revelations that he attempted suicide, shared his struggles with his coach and got help. He says, “This is not an issue reserved for the far and away,” wrote Miller. “It is in our homes. It is in our conversations. It is in the people we love.”

Here are some of the salient points from Sadie:

  • Her parents, especially her dad, didn’t realize or even perhaps believe, that a teenager could be clinically depressed – and his efforts to “snap her out of it” or “tough love” made things worse.
  • Prior to McLean, none of her therapists or the programs she entered asked for her commitment to the process of healing they proposed. In fact, they flat said that her stay would do her no good if she wasn’t going to choose to do the work. And that requirement is what caused her to actually do the work of healing.
  • Her parents took part of family therapy and learned a new way of talking about conflict, of expressing emotions, or negotiating, and of being aware of your impact on others.
  • She's a huge fan of DBT 9 Dialectical Behavior Therapy and she talks about some of its basic tenets.

But before we begin the interview, I’m so excited to introduce you to a new sponsor here at SelfWork! Magnesium Breakthrough. As always, I’ve tried it myself and will tell you what kind of results I’ve had! They have a wonderful offer for SelfWork listeners – so please listen in to what could be the start of more restful sleep for you – and thus, a more stable mood and good daily energy.

Vital Links:

Click HERE for BiOptimizers special offer on Magnesium Breakthrough and watch your sleep - and your mental health - improve!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Aug 5, 2022

I’m thrilled today to introduce you to a new sponsor of SelfWork! Not only have I used this product for over three years,  but it suddenly dawned on me that I should talk to them about a collaboration! And voilá… here it is. Let me introduce you to Ozark Mountain Medicine’s fantastic CBD products!

We’re delving into my SelfWork emailbag again this week – and the questions you’ve brought me will resonate with many of you. I love hearing from all of you – because it gives me a chance to give back to those of you who are listeners in a very specific way. What are those topics? The relationship between self-esteem and lying, what to do with things that are left behind by someone who died (and this listener’s father had died by suicide – so trigger warning here), and last, is there a danger if you take medication for depression that it will numb you to your feelings?

Our second sponsor today is Athletic Greens – another product I use daily - and we’ll hear from them later in the broadcast!.

Vital Links: 

Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off! 

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

An informative Forbes article on lying and the neuroscience behind it.

VeryWell Mind article on feeling numb due to antidepressant use

Pharmacogenetic testing and SelfWork Episode on Pharmacogenetics

SelfWork episode on A Psychologist's View of Medication Use

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Jul 29, 2022

If you've listened to SelfWork, or read my book Perfectly Hidden Depression, you know that I've cautioned about doctors and clinicians' overdependence on the DSM-V (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition). In this riveting conversation with the author of Pathological: The True Story of Six Misdiagnoses and activist Sarah Fay, she tells her story of being labeled with six different diagnoses during three decade  of treatment, all accompanied by prescribed medications with, at times, very difficult side effects, and numerous therapy techniques. Until finally, one psychiatrist told her - after the typical 30 minute initial visit - "I don't know what you have." His humility and caution changed her life, and she began looking into exactly what this "DSM" was and learning how subjective mental health diagnoses can be.

She's also quick to say that she's developed a healthy respect for mental health providers, as the field is a complex one to navigate. And as a provider myself, I know that there are many facets to "diagnosing" that have to be considered. That said, an accurate diagnosis takes more than 30 minutes to determine.

So, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, I hope you'll learn more about how mental illness diagnoses are made - and how you can have a conversation with your provider or clinician to make sure that you are truly seen and understood, not "labeled."

Vital Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jul 22, 2022

Shame. People often come into therapy saying things like, “I’m afraid I’m wasting your time, “ or, “I don’t know why I can’t pull myself together, “ Or, “If I believed in my faith and God enough, I wouldn’t be here. But because I am, I’ve failed.”

I know – without a doubt – I’m listening to shame talking.

Today, we’re going to focus on the shame that you may carry around – that doesn’t belong to you. Here are the ten most common birthplaces of shame you've never deserved... but carried with you. And it's time to challenge any voices that tell you differently, because they're flawed and were absorbed by you as a child.

  • You were treated like an object through physical or sexual abuse.
  • You were neglected and your most basic needs were intentionally unmet.
  • You were valued only for external attributes or achievements, not for who you were.
  • You were put on a pedestal or smothered, so you lack a sense of true security in yourself. Instead, you could “do no wrong.”
  • You were put in charge as a child, did the best you could, but ultimately felt as if you failed.
  • You were pulled into adult conflicts/dynamics that you couldn’t fix.
  • What hurt you was invalidated or you feared rejection if you revealed your true self.
  • You weren’t allowed to want/be/talk/think differently than your parents.
  • You grew up in a family where nothing made rational sense and rules were always changing.
  • You were compared negatively to others.

The listener voicemail is from someone who’s been diagnosed with Bp 1, 2, and then BPD, and he’s become overly reclusive. But it sounds as if his biggest impediment to becoming more successful professionally and personally is his tendency to take what others say too personally – and building a wall of resentment toward them which is self-sabotaging to the work. At the same time, he has friends and family who are supportive – so what’s going wrong?

So please come with me today in this episode sponsored by AG1, as we discuss 10 sources of shame – and of course, what you can do about it…

Vital Links:

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

Excellent article on 17 shaming states children hear in shame-based families by Doran Lamb

BetterHelp''s extremely helpful article illustrating how to find a Certified DBT Therapist

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Jul 20, 2022

Today's YGTG (You Get the Gist) is focused on self-help; can you seek out too much help? The answer is yes. Self-help can actually make some people feel inferior and ashamed, rather than better about themselves - especially if you inundate yourself with it, or are almost addicted to seeking out articles and TikTok's and Instagram reels. And... podcasts.

Even though I'm one of those people who are trying to offer my experience as a psychologist, I've often suggested to people that they need to stop looking outside of themselves for answers or waiting for just one more piece of information before they act. You can get into analysis paralysis - and time passes, and passes, and passes. And you do nothing - because you're so afraid of making a mistake.

So... if it will be helpful - truly helpful - please listen in to the wisdom of Mel Robbins and Mark Manson. But know you and only you can learn to trust yourself.

Vital Links:

Mel Robbins' five-second rule.

Great article by Mark Manson on the one thing that self-help cannot help you do.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jul 15, 2022

Back when I was busy creating my own emotional chaos,  my therapists used CBT therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy) and family systems therapy – both of which were very helpful to me. But today, we’re taking a dive into a therapy I wish had existed then ...  DBT or dialectical behavior therapy. Why? Because DBT teaches distinct tools for those whose decision-making is highly governed by their intense emotions. And those tools are not only practical, but practice-able.

What I learned when I took that dive was that the tools of DBT are immense! And there are way too many of them for one episode! So, we’re going to focus on one aspect of DBT – the role of distress tolerance - which is one of the four modules of DBT.

The listener voicemail today is from a woman who’s confused because her husband has told her he no longer has feelings for her -especially sexual feelings – and she doesn’t know what to do. I’ll do my best to offer some ideas..

This episode is once again sponsored by BetterHelp, consistently rated as one of the best online therapy opportunities out there. And I checked and here’s an article by BH on finding a DBT therapist – and they offer tremendous ideas! But today, they have an offer for SelfWork listeners!

Vital Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Follow along with this episode by clicking on the info from this DBT great website to learn more about DBT!

A wonderful article on BetterHelp on how to find a DBT-certified therapy near you!

General information from Psych Central on DBT.

A SelfWork episode  on radical acceptance… and wow, it’s from almost 100 episodes ago!!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jul 8, 2022

What's one of the most frequent questions I get from SelfWorkers?

 What do you do when you care about someone who’s depressed or destructive or anxious or ill and they don’t seem to be able to or even want to help themselves? Maybe from your perspective they’ve given up, are in denial, or are extremely defensive about how they’re living or how their struggles are impacting you, the family, them, their job – their entire life.  Part of many mental and emotional problems – especially those that involve seeming distortions in thinking – are hard to recognize by the person who has those very beliefs or behaviors. Or maybe they don't see their depression – or their impulsivity – or their hypervigilance – as something that could be helped and/or treated.

When you're trying to love them, you can feel confusion, helplessness, self-righteousness, anger, sadness, irritation, disappointment – so many emotions. So today, we'll focus on five tips of what to do  – or try to do about it. And a quick hint… sometimes the “it” isn’t how to get your point across to the other person. Sometimes it means looking at yourself and reevaluating your own choices.

The listener email today is from a young woman who found my book PHD on Audible recently and she’s giving me what the book has meant to her. You might find yourself in her story… and if so, I hope the book could help you as well.

And in response to hearing from many of you these past few weeks about the meaning of Perfectly Hidden Depression for you - and for a little summer kick, here's a giveaway for you!!!  Email me at askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com or send me a voicemail.via SpeakPipe … and for the 10th email and the 4th Speakpipe, I’ll send you a free signed copy of my book PHD! So two ways of winning!

Here are the five tips:

  1. Make sure you check your own agenda.
  2. Remain available but know you may have to emotionally detach.
  3. Recognize your loved one may not have the capacity to make the desired change at this time. Maybe they're learning something they need to learn.
  4. Take care of yourself, and by so doing, you're acting as a role model as well.
  5. Keep watch over your own mental and emotional state. Find a trusted friend or therapist to confide in.

So in this episode of SW, also sponsored by AG1, let’s focus on how you can approach or cope with depression and anxiety disorders in someone you love – when they themselves can’t seem to try or don’t agree with you that something is a problem.

Important Links: 

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

Wonderful Tiny Buddha article on what to do when someone you love won't help themselves.

Excellent article on Boardwalk Recovery: about Al-Anon

YouTube video on recent rise of young female suicides in Japan

Perfectly Hidden Depression Questionnaire

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Jul 1, 2022

Trigger Warning: Suicide and Violence

You may not know that suicide kills more first responders each year than die in the line of duty. This is one of many things that need to change.

This book, Relentless Courage, was written with this fact in mind. It's co-authored by Doc Shauna Springer and Michael Sugrue, formerly a member of an elite Air Force squad and a veteran police officer It was only during his police experience and after that Michael was pummeled by the incessant nightmares and flashbacks of PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder.  Relentless Courage tells his story so that other first responders can know they are not alone in their mental and emotional struggle.

Doc Springer and Michael also want you to know that this story and its powerful message has nothing to do with choosing “sides” - or the belief that you either side with the police or with the protestors. That does not need to be. Instead, there can be compassion for all – so that solutions – ideas for positive change – can emerge from compassion for all.. In fact, their efforts are trying to help those of us who aren’t first responders to feel – to recognize – the trauma that those that serve face every day. And to build into the police culture that their personal trauma and injury needs to be recognized – so that there can be support while they’re serving as police.

If you have trauma or violence in your past, please listen with caution. Yet I offer this episode for this patriotic weekend – as we all move forward to understand the pain of all trauma - and strive for compassion and understanding, instead of distrust and disdain. And if you are or know a first responder, this might be the episode they most need to hear.

BetterHelp is the proud sponsor of this episode, and is readily available to help anyone and everyone who needs it.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 24, 2022

I’ve long been fascinated by the connections between our minds and our bodies, so much so that I wrote my dissertation (the original research you must complete before they give you a Ph.D.) on pseudoseizures. What are those? They look like actual seizures -  which are bursts of uncontrolled electrical activity between neurons that can cause all kinds of movements and abnormalities in muscle tone, sensations, or states of awareness. But they’re not.  Pseudoseizures are seizure-like activity that’s apparently caused by emotional/psychological factors.

So today we’re focusing on the mind/body interaction – how your brain processes physical and emotional pain – a brief touch on what are called somatic disorders -  but what I want to focus on how your body might be expressing the pain or trauma you’ve experienced in your life. It's an intriguing topic and one I hope you'll enjoy.

The listener voicemail is from a daughter who believes her mom may have something to do with her being ill and not knowing how to leave or get other help. This could be something called “munchausen’s syndrome by proxy” which is a very complicated dynamic – but it might also be that this daughter’s mom has been part of her trauma. I’ll offer suggestions for both..

So in this episode, sponsored by AG1, let’s learn together about just how your body and mind are interconnected – which of course is what AG is all about! Settle in and I’m so glad you’re here.

Scads of Important Links!

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

A recent Forbes article… discussing how your brain processes physical and social pain.

Depression Isn't Simply A Chemical Imbalance Part One (SelfWork Podcast)

Depression Isn't Simply A Chemical Imbalance Part Two (SelfWork)

An article on somatic disorders found on VeryWellMind.

How To Become An Emotional Grownup I don’t have time sadly to discuss all of it – but here’s a

A recent Psychology Today article about different techniques that you can try to "get at" your body's holding on to trauma. And encouraging it to let go.

Article on FDIA. Facticious Disorder impoased on another

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 17, 2022

What risks do you run when you follow a quest for popularity or even celebrity? Envy is right at the top of the list, and today I'll offer 8 different signs that your need for external validation is running too high, and 6 more that reflect that envy has taken hold of your mind and heart. Envy is defined as believing yourself to be worthy of what you perceive others getting and your behavior then can become governed by that poisonous belief. We'll talk about the need for all of us to have a balance between what validation we receive externally with what we're able to give ourselves internally - and when those are out of balance, what you can do about it!

Then the third thing we’ll focus on is celebrity. Does being well known have a downside? Here’s what Tim Ferriss, whose podcast has been downloaded 700 M times, has to say about the fame he’s achieved, like it or not.  "If you suddenly had 100,000 or 1,000,000 or 10,000,000 more followers, what might happen? I thought I knew, and I was naive".

The listener voicemail this week is from a man whose brother is depressed but will do nothing about it. You can hear his concern and sense of helplessness in his voicemail – and I’ll do my best to try to offer some ideas.

So today in this episode sponsored by the #1 online therapy provider, BetterHelp, , we’re talking about the quest to be known – to be recognized by many – how you can know that you’ve become envious - the difference between internal and external validation (and how a balance of both is really great) – all of that! And what  megapodcaster Tim Ferris might say… welcome to the 288th episode of SW!

Here are the signs of being too needy or dependent on external validation:

  • You scroll through others FB/tiktok/Instagram and compare their feedback to yours.
  • You are almost constantly checking your own numbers or ‘likes’
  • You bring up your own work with others without being asked.
  • You begin to alter your life so that it ‘looks’ better on social media – or if social media isn’t involved, you spend time worrying that your life doesn’t seem “special” enough.
  • The bulk of your time is spent trying to meet or exceed the expectations of others (this is very true in what’s called socially-prescribed perfectionism and is highly destructive.”
  • You discount or deny your fear of disappointing others. Or being seen as having made a mistake.
  • You begin to hide your insecurity by drinking more or using drugs.
  • You’ve had tough – very tough – childhood experiences or traumas that you don’t disclose or you’ve never worked through.

And here's now it can  move into very ugly envy.

  • You aren’t happy for others when they achieve success.
  • Another person’s success makes you feel unhappy. I’ll take this even farther.
  • You feel the need to diminish someone else’s success. You’ll say something about them that’s harsh or belittling.
  • You judge others negatively.
  • You’re happy when others face setbacks.
  • You surround yourself with other envious people so you get validation.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Interesting interview with the actress who plays Lady Whistledown/Penelope in Bridgerton.

blogpost by Tim Ferriss about what you may really get from fame

SelfWork Episode 010 on loving someone with depression

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 14, 2022

I use all kinds of stories and metaphors in therapy  to help people actually remember a point. I’m not sure when I started doing it, but there’s something about a story or a picture that cements or anchors an idea in your mind. Just think about in Forrest Gump, the famous “Life is like a box of chocolates” and you’ll understand.

So today, I want to read you a poem that I use all the time in therapy. The author, Portia Nelson was an American popular singer, songwriter, actress, and author. In 1965, she portrayed the cantankerous Sister Berthe in the film version of The Sound of Music,and on TV's All My Children Nelson played the long-running role of nanny Mrs. Gurney. Her book of poetic musings, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery, became a mainstay of twelve-step programs.

Here's Portia's poem that can act as an anchor for you!

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

― Portia Nelson, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Jun 10, 2022
If you like SelfWork because we talk about "what you can do about it," this interview will be incredibly helpful to you! As a therapist who focuses a lot on how to move from negative, destructive thinking to much more positive, motivating self-talk - I've learned that HOW you talk to yourself highly influences what you actually do. I've asked people who are fighting viciously with one another to imagine what they want their relationship to look like in five years - and all of a sudden, their communication improves or is less vitriolic. In order to distance from pain, someone will move from saying "I feel..," into referring to themselves in second tense. "When something like this happens, you feel...". It's good emotional management.

It turns out these "techniques" have names or labels! Ethan Kross is a highly respected researcher from the University of Michigan - and his new book Chatter; The Voice In Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It identifies, verifies, and organizes these techniques for you! He's one of the world’s leading experts on controlling the conscious mind and as an award-winning professor in the University of Michigan’s top ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business, he's the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. His research and teachings can show you how you can very purposefully change the way you talk to yourself so that you find more calm, resolution, creativity, and empowerment.  And he tells animated stories of how that chatter can lead to struggle, giving Simone Biles as a recent example. She opted out of the last Olympics due to her awareness that her own thinking was negatively influencing her performance and in so doing, honored the idea that your mental well-being and inner life has to be considered when making decisions.

So in this episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens or AG1, I know you'll be fascinated by his inspiring and useful ways of changing your inner conversation!

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jun 3, 2022

Trigger Warning: References to Suicide (International Suicide Prevention Resources)

After the shootings in New York, California and Texas within the last couple of weeks, I'm preparing an episode concerning mental health issues that may play a part in violent crime, but also - and very clearly - where they do not play a part. Hatred can be taught. Absorbed. It's very different than true mental illness. But that research will take a bit.

So, this episode highlights the email questions that you’ve sent to me – and my responses. The questions are diverse, as well as challenging. The first is from a man who identifies with perfectly hidden depression but cannot see a way to not fear that others will see his vulnerability.. The second from a mother of three whose suffered with postpartum depression, while her own mom has abandoned her. She says quite poignantly, “I see articles written on adult children abandoning their parents, but not adult parents abandoning their adult children.”  Last, we’ll hear from a widow who found an article of mine on her deceased spouse’s IPad – he killed himself before he even made it to a second therapy session with her after she learned of an affair. And she has deep, troubling feelings – and wants my help.

BetterHelp is sponsoring this episode – I’m always honored to answer your questions. And today is no exception. Thank you for being here. Settle in and let’s learn more about these issues.

Important Links and A Great Offer! 

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

My article in the Gottman Blog about healing from affairs

Episode on suicide from Nora McInerny's podcast "Terrible Thanks for Asking."

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

May 27, 2022
My mom used to write T H I N K on my forehead as a child. Ugh. I hated that! ! But it was definitely her way of trying to teach me self-control, a skill that I didn't have much of as a child!

Today we’re going to focus on three skills that are considered ego skills or what compose ego strengths. First is self-regulation or how you monitor and cope with your emotions. Second is self-control - how you manage your impulses and reactions. And third is self-motivation - what does it take to give you a sense of proactivity and purpose. SelfWork is almost always about "what you can do about it" and this episode is no different. We'll define how these three skills interact and how you can build them into your own set of skills - so that they're available to you when you need them.

So in today's episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens, you'll learn that rehearsal is vital – not only to prove to yourself that you can change and grow – but to give your brain a chance to build new neurological circuitry.

The listener voicemail for today features a mom who feels completely disrespected by her now adult children. And asks if I have any advice… What would you say?

Important Links:

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

VeryWellMind article on self-regulation

Podcast by Andrew Huberman called The Huberman Lab.

Tony Robbins article on self-motivation

Jessica Stillman article on Huberman's work

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

May 26, 2022

Warning: This episode could act as a trigger due to its topic. Please listen with caution.

The murders in Uvalde, Texas this week may pull for many different reactions to such senseless violence. And the unbelievable but very real fact that children were once again targeted makes it even more devasting. 

I humbly offer these suggestions to you to help you make sense and give direction to your own swirling emotions as well as the way to talk to your children about how they might be feeling.

  • Look around you and do something you have control over.
  • Talk to your children. Allow them to share and work through their feelings and guide them to focus on an act of kindness toward others.
  • Journal your own feelings but couple that expression with a plan, no matter how simple.
  • Ask for help if you need it.
  • Use your anger or anguish not as a weapon, but as motivation.
  • This is trauma. Know that you are being affected. And that the only healing direction is through the feelings that you have. 
  • And as always, take very good care. Of yourself, your loved ones, and your community.

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

May 20, 2022

Where did you learn who Josh Peck was? Through his award-winning performance in Drake and Josh when he was a teen? Starring next to Ben Kingsley in The Wackness? Or has it been more recently in Disney+ Turner and Hooch? What I learned in this interview is that you likely didn't know who Josh was, because for years, he strenuously devoted himself to developing the Josh he wanted you to see. The comic. The really funny guy. Only through fighting severe drug addiction and finding sobriety did he begin to realize what he hadn't wanted anyone, including himself, to see.

Abandoned by his dad, Josh grew up in a very loving but somewhat vagabond partnership with his mom; he decided on the cusp of adolescence that he was going to be successful. And he was. But the pain he'd been hiding from was waiting for him - as it always is. Celebrity overdoses that ended in death - Heath Ledger and Brad Renfro - woke him up to what he was doing. As well as finding what he calls his "Apostles" - a piece of advice he got from Sir Ben Kingsley himself.

I loved talking with Josh. His book is funny, yes. But his sincerity and a very mature humility shine through. His journey is more than worth sharing. And his book, Happy People Are Annoying, is available now!

So in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, you can get to know the real Josh Peck. As he now is. And who he intends to be in the future.

IMPORTANT OFFER FOR YOU! 

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

May 13, 2022
I first found Amanda White on Instagram, as she's the therapist behind Therapy For Women - a popular Instagram mental health group. But then I learned more about her. Her book came out early in 2022:  NOT DRINKING TONIGHT: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love, where she calls herself a retired-party-girl-turned-therapist. She became sober herself in her early 20's, but speaks candidly how frightened she was to do so - that suddenly she'd be the one left out, the one that's weird or simply not "fun." She encourages others to consider how any addiction you might have, but especially alcohol addiction, may be creeping up on you. The pandemic has certainly caused many to find escape in booze - with many drinking more than 14% of their normal, and women's drinking increased by 41%.

Amanda also has many years of treating those who are trying to decrease or stop their drinking completely, having founded The Therapy For Women Center in Philadelphia. Her work has been featured in dozens of publications including The Washington PostForbesShapeWomen's Health, and more  She wants you to not only figure out the true "why," and more importantly, when and how to set boundaries around your choices - maybe even how to be the one "not drinking tonight."

Her book is NOT DRINKING TONIGHT: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Loveretired-party-girl-turned-therapist Amanda White does just that. I've read it and heard wonderful wisdom.

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

May 6, 2022

This is a very personal episode of SelfWork, as I tell the story of my mother's intense struggles with anxiety - and her turning to prescription drugs to help her cope. Sadly, doctors in the 1960's brushed off women with "nerves" and handed out medications that were not only strong, but addictive. And some women, like my mother, developed a prescription drug addiction. This is the story of how the mother that I knew - that many people loved and admired - became a shadow of herself, as we all watched the woman we knew disappear.

I think she would want you to know her story. She once told me, "I wish I'd known what I was doing to myself." Maybe her story can help you or someone you love. For it still can happen, although the medical profession has realized the damage of opioid overprescription - and are hopefully analyzing anxiolytics and other addictive medications closely for abuse, over-dependence, and prescriptive issues.

BetterHelp has sponsored this episode - and I so wish that my own mother had sought therapy. Maybe that's why I became a therapist. Who knows...

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

New York Times article on racial and ethnic inequalities and abuse by the medical community

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Apr 29, 2022

Warning: There are references made in this episode to childhood abuse and suicidal thoughts/attempts. Please listen with caution. Here are international suicide prevention hotlines and resources.

Lyn Barrett is a guest you'll never forget. She suffered from DID (which used to be called multiple personality disorder) and now manages a fully functional life, As part of her healing process with an eye to helping others with DID, Lyn Barrett wrote her own memoir. This retired teacher, school principal, and pastor was diagnosed with DID in 1992 and, after very intense therapeutic work, lives a happily integrated life. In her book, Crazy, Reclaiming Life From The Shadow of Traumatic Memory, Barrett takes us through her journey from happy wife and mother to internally living with more than ten distinctive personalities or “alters.”

Her opening quote is: “Trauma freezes the memory narrative. It is the task of survivors of early childhood trauma to thaw it out and turn it into story.” The term “dissociative disorders affect about 2% of the US population. It is a persistent mental state that is marked by feelings of being detached from reality, being outside one’s own body or experiencing memory loss (amnesia). Often misdiagnosed, DID is known predominantly to be caused by severe childhood trauma combined with a disorganized attachment style When long-term child abuse occurs before a child’s typical personality integration around age 9, the healthy state of a singular self may be disrupted. The experience of memory loss of time, people and events can result in two or more distinct and separate identities that serve as a coping mechanism to function within the abuse.

So, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, sit back and learn how intensive abuse can be lived through - and healed - and how your wonderful mind acts to protect you.

 

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Apr 22, 2022
One of the hardest even most cruel things about depression is the very darkness of your thoughts – the hounding of your mind and heart with feelings that seem to have the power at times to wipe all rationale from your consciousness and bury you with shame and worthlessness, distrust, and complete disbelief that anything might ever change. So today we’re going to talk about those vicious lies that depression tells you. .

The listener email is from someone whose therapist, with whom she’d been working for over five years, terminated their work together because of retirement. The issue seems to be that she let people know only a couple of months before she stopped doing therapy. Now the patient is saying, “Why should I do this again? Why should I go into therapy again? This hurts too much.” So, I’ll try to help her with those questions, and that sorrow.

Today’s episode is sponsored by BetterHelp – and I’m happy to say that they’ve been a sponsor of SW now for two years – and many of you have written in that their services have been more than helpful. Virtual therapy has become normal now – and BH offers many ways for you to get therapy conveniently and easily, while also doing the important work you need to do. Let’s talk today about depression’s lies… and of course, what you can do about it when you hear them.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

William Styron's Vanity Fair Article

Fantastic new website and article on the lies depression can tell you!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Apr 18, 2022
Today we’re doing something new! And it's the brainchild of the woman you're about to meet!

Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned career coach, spokesperson, and author of the bestselling book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career. Through her two viral TEDx speeches, her online courses,and her podcast, the You Turn Podcast, she’s been able to support clients all over the world in discovering their best career path, upgrading their confidence, and landing more job offers. She maintains a monthly career column in Forbes, and her work has been also featured in outlets such as The Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, and more.

Those are the facts about Ashley Stahl. But let me tell you what it’s like to talk with her. She’s quick, bright, compassionate – quick to laugh. And her advice and guidance about choosing a career or moving into a career that uses your core values, skills and very nature – where your particular brand of of energy can have the chance to be naturally expressed every day and bring you fulfillment – is refreshing to hear. Her book isn’t a checklist of to-do’s about getting the perfect job for you – but is chock-full of personal stories that give her message context and power. I changed careers in my late 20’s and it took nine years to do so but was so very worth that time. I wish I’d had her book as I realize I stumbled around looking for the direction she provides.

So now we’re introducing each other’s work to our own podcast audiences – and I chose her interview with Tatyana Rae – who's been Ashley's mentor as a personal inspiration consultant. Here is some of Tatyana's heritage: "I come from a family lineage of Shaman on my Father’s side, who was Apache I received my earliest training at the feet my paternal Great Grandmother. The skills associated with Shamanism were passed on to my Father, myself, and now my son, Zachary, who is being groomed in the Remembering." She's a fascinating guest and I so enjoyed their discussion!

So here are Ashley Stahl and her interview with the revolutionary expert in the art of loving. Tatyana Rae.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

Apr 15, 2022

Three times this week I was asked, "Just how do I interview a therapist?" So... I'm going to give you fifteen very specific, concrete, and legit questions to ask a potential therapist. It's important of course to note how that therapist is answering you and does their manner of talking with you seem warm and engaging? I hope this helps with any confusion  you might have, or at least, now you have ideas of what to ask.

The listener voicemail today is from a woman who’d read one of my blogpost articles on challenging or working through the shame that you've carried around, quite without rational or reason, because you felt invisible to others, and thought it was somehow your 'fault.'

So, in this episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens, we’ll focus on the very tangible and concrete topic of approaching a potential therapist. Sit back, relax, and hopefully learn how to talk to someone about becoming your therapist – what to ask, how to ask it, and other important facets of creating this very unique relationship in your life.

Important Links:

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

The podcast episode also talking about the problem of feeling invisible. 

An Unquiet Mind written by Kay Redfield Jamison,

My first podcast episode on What Is Good Therapy?

An Open Counseling article explaining licensure and training differences between therapists

My podcast on whether to terminate therapy

The different family roles that you can adopt and play

You can hear more of many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And here's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Apr 8, 2022
What's a mental health day? Why should you take one? And how to answer the question, “What good will it do anyway? I just have to go back tomorrow….And I need the money.”  I’m going to give you some ideas of how to really use a mental health day to your advantage – and the problems inherent in many work places in “admitting” or ‘revealing” that’s what you’re doing. Of course, here at SelfWork, we’re doing our best to challenge that thinking and are so grateful when you share the podcast with others or leave a review!

Our listener email is from a young woman who grew up in a chaotic home where she'd to become an adult far too soon. Now as she begins to address the pain of that, she’s feeling as if the changes she’s trying to make are going unnoticed by those around her. I’ve had many people tell me the same thing. “I feel like so much is going on inside me – but no one says anything to me. It’s like I’m changing inwardly but I’m frustrated it’s not showing externally.”

So, today’s post, sponsored by BetterHelp, we’ll talk about the ins and outs of mental health days. How do you know when you need one, and how do you create a day that meets whatever needs you have – on that particular day.

Important Links

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

New York Times article on mental health days

Forbes article on how the brain processes emotional and physical pain

All about "sick days" in the USA

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Apr 1, 2022
 This past month, I heard from a woman who identifies herself as manifesting covert narcissism and she’s looking for both support and information on how she could best address what she so desperately and sincerely wants to change in herself. She talks about the extreme lack of help out there- and she’s right. Sometimes we can forget as a culture that those we “label” as having a personality disorder are often living very difficult lives. So, today we’ll talk about covert narcissism: I’ll offer recent research and as usual, add my own ideas about healing. Our listener email for this week – or basically another listener email! – is from a young woman who asks what the relationship is between perfectionism and social anxiety and she’s struggling with her progress not going faster – as she says she wants to get “rid” of her anxiety.

BetterHelp is sponsoring this podcast today – and I’ve been made very aware during the pandemic (because I myself moved to only doing virtual work) how convenient and effective virtual therapy could be,  especially for those not quite ready to walk into a therapist’s office. So please do whatever it is you like to do when you listen, and let’s talk about covert narcissism, what it is, how you can spot it in yourself or others, and as always, what you can do about it.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Scientific American article on narcissism and imposter syndrome

MindBodyGreen article on covert narcissism

InStyle article on covert narcissism

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Mar 30, 2022
Here's today's You Get The Gist! 

If you’ve been watching March Madness recently, hopefully you’ve seen the new commercials, sponsored by Powerade, supporting the power of pause. They feature premiere such as Simone Biles, Premier League soccer manager Antonio Conte and Olympic Gold diver Tom Daley as they take pause to relax and enjoy unexpected hobbies. Also featured are former NBA stars Chris Webber and Jason Williams.

Let me quickly say that I have no relationship with Powerade; my fascination is with the power of this campaign – not only for athletes but for driven perfectionists  - no matter what their field.

“I’ve come to recognize the power of the pause and the Powerade brand’s campaign is a timely reminder to take a moment when we need it—whether for a deep breath, a timeout or even a season out,” Biles said in a statement. “We push ourselves hard physically and emotionally to achieve our dreams but if we are not our best mentally, then we are not maximizing our full potential. I want to help encourage everybody to be kinder to themselves, because that’s when we’re at our strongest and we can achieve the most.

Here's the commercial!

Important Links:

Adweek Article talking about The Power of Pause

You can hear more of many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And here's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

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