When I was a kid, I went to a Presbyterian church every Sunday and grew up there. Sunday School, church, youth group – the whole program. That’s not the subject for this episode, however. The topic today is self-forgiveness. Why did I bring up my church memories? Because I was very thoughtful about the whole thing, and remember asking my mother this question: “How can I hear me knocking on God’s door?” This innocent question was based on the scripture, “Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.” I was curious about just how I was going to know that door was opening if I couldn’t even hear myself knock.
I now realize our own beliefs are found in our inner mind and heart – we “know” them, but they aren’t concrete. We “hear” them inside our own thoughts and feelings.
We feel and know love. We feel and know sorrow. And we feel and know or recognize self-forgiveness. It happens inwardly. You can’t see it – but you can sure feel it. So in this episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll talk about how to get to self-forgiveness and seven things that might make that harder.
Our listener email is from someone who’s very depressed and estranged from her family. She asks me what she can do… What would you say?
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
A well-written article from VeryWellMind on the four steps toward self-forgiveness
A new exciting way to interact with me on Fireside! Let's get talking! Just click here!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Every day I receive a bunch of emails from publicists, publishing houses, or teachers on every subject you could think of to suggest either themselves or their client to be a guest on SelfWork. It's a flattering problems to have. But some are very unique, like this one from LinkedIn's Scott Shute.
"Hi Dr. Margaret, I hope this finds you in the middle of a smile."
That got my attention.
Scott has had a diverse career, but now leads LinkedIn's Mindfulness and Compassion Programs, which he describes as a rare and growing field. I was very curious! His book, The Full Body Yes, was just released in May of 2021 and I enjoyed his very story-driven style, often using his own life as an example of what and what not to do. He focuses on building compassion in the workplace, and as always, we talk about what you can do about it in your own work environment. Scott would say that "it starts with you" - that you don't have to have any programs to learn how to build your own real sense of compassion.
So I’m delighted today to introduce you to Scott Shute on this 246th episode of SelfWork, sponsored by Athletic Greens.
Important Links:
Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens with bonus product with your subscription!
The Full Body Yes on Amazon by Scott Shute
You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts!
If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available! And you can orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Sometimes I receive an email that tears at my heartstrings. And this week was one of those times. I’ll read you the email – the heads up is that it’s about a sudden and totally unexpected suicide that led its writer to reach out to me about perfectly hidden depression with the question – Can someone hide depression, even suicidal thinking, from themselves? I’ll give my unequivocal answer.
Our listener voicemail also mentions perfectly hidden depression, but is basically a question about what my thoughts are about when to go consider medication for depression. I’m not a prescriber nor a psychiatrist so I can only offer general thoughts on this topic as a psychologist, but I can address it.
I’m so thankful to so many of you for leaving reviews on Apple Podcasts – the last one said, “ This woman has changed my entire life! I didn’t even realize how traumatized I was or that I even needed therapy before this podcast. Nevertheless, my friend suggested that I listen and since then I have a consistent relationship with my therapist through BetterHelp.com, learned to building constructive boundaries, and working on my relationship with my parents! I love the space she’s created in helping us to understand larger context while providing relevant examples!! I love it here!!!
So thank you so much for those kind words, and we’ll hear once again today about an offer from BetterHelp!
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
NAMI's Five Major Myths About Suicide
My Psychology Today article discussing how therapists can "see" through the armor of perfectionism
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Sometimes I receive an email that tears at my heartstrings. And this week was one of those times. I’ll read you the email – the heads up is that it’s about a sudden and totally unexpected suicide that led its writer to reach out to me about perfectly hidden depression with the question – Can someone hide depression, even suicidal thinking, from themselves? I’ll give my unequivocal answer.
Our listener voicemail also mentions perfectly hidden depression, but is basically a question about what my thoughts are about when to go consider medication for depression. I’m not a prescriber nor a psychiatrist so I can only offer general thoughts on this topic as a psychologist, but I can address it.
I’m so thankful to so many of you for leaving reviews on Apple Podcasts – the last one said, “ This woman has changed my entire life! I didn’t even realize how traumatized I was or that I even needed therapy before this podcast. Nevertheless, my friend suggested that I listen and since then I have a consistent relationship with my therapist through BetterHelp.com, learned to building constructive boundaries, and working on my relationship with my parents! I love the space she’s created in helping us to understand larger context while providing relevant examples!! I love it here!!!
So thank you so much for those kind words, and we’ll hear once again today about an offer from BetterHelp!
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
NAMI's Five Major Myths About Suicide
My Psychology Today article discussing how therapists can "see" through the armor of perfectionism
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Sometimes I receive an email that tears at my heartstrings. And this week was one of those times. I’ll read you the email – the heads up is that it’s about a sudden and totally unexpected suicide that led its writer to reach out to me about perfectly hidden depression with the question – Can someone hide depression, even suicidal thinking, from themselves? I’ll give my unequivocal answer.
Our listener voicemail also mentions perfectly hidden depression, but is basically a question about what my thoughts are about when to go consider medication for depression. I’m not a prescriber nor a psychiatrist so I can only offer general thoughts on this topic as a psychologist, but I can address it.
I’m so thankful to so many of you for leaving reviews on Apple Podcasts – the last one said, “ This woman has changed my entire life! I didn’t even realize how traumatized I was or that I even needed therapy before this podcast. Nevertheless, my friend suggested that I listen and since then I have a consistent relationship with my therapist through BetterHelp.com, learned to building constructive boundaries, and working on my relationship with my parents! I love the space she’s created in helping us to understand larger context while providing relevant examples!! I love it here!!!
So thank you so much for those kind words, and we’ll hear once again today about an offer from BetterHelp!
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
NAMI's Five Major Myths About Suicide
My Psychology Today article discussing how therapists can "see" through the armor of perfectionism
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Today we're going to focus on why we lie to each other, to ourselves and even in therapy. We'll touch on severe manipulative lying, called pathological lying, and compulsive lying, but most of the episode we'll discuss plain old lying. I found two wonderful articles on the subject and their links are below. Hopefully understanding the "why" might help you realize that there are other things you could do... and I, as always, suggest what you can do about it.
The listener voicemail for today is from someone who read my blogpost on enmeshment and is looking for some answers. Those of who had cruel or neglectful parents might not at all understand at this man’s plight, He was loved too much??? But whether or not the boundaries of parenting were nonexistent because you got manipulated through abuse, or whether they were nonexistent because you weren’t allowed or supported in building a life away from a parent, the damage can exist either way.
So, in this episode sponsored by Athletic Greens, let’s look at lying and what its function may be – even in therapy.
Important Links:
Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens with bonus product with your subscription!
Time Magazine's article on the functions of lying
Article by Dr. Robyn Koslowitz in Psychology Today on lying in therapy
You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts!
If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available! And you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
On today's You Get the Gist, I’m wanting to make a couple of points that may or may not have occurred to you while you heard about or you were watching Simone Biles’ journey at the Olympics. First, I wondered what your first thought might’ve been when you heard Ms. Biles had initially opted out. And we fairly quickly learned it was because of her concerns about her focus – basically her impaired state of mental health – and how that might work to harm her physically. Or as she said to her team, “I don’t want to ruin your chances of winning…” with a less than stellar performance.
And second, did you put yourself in her shoes? Could you disappoint your boss, or your family, or your kids – due to your own concerns about your mental health? How many times have you done things that you realized on a core level might harm you, but you went ahead and did it? Would there be a limit to that? What would the boundary be for you to say, “No, I can’t.”
There’s a lot you can learn from your own reactions… so I’m here today simply asking a few questions of you – the answers are yours to be privately considered – and maybe changed if need be.
Important Links:
The Weight of Gold Official Trailer
Story of Brett Cohen's Prank on Celebrity
You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
This week was very hard as one of my close family members died suddenly. I didn’t know if I’d have the energy or even the ability to do a podcast. So, I looked for one that I might add on to - maybe about grief. And I found this podcast from a year and a half ago that fit. I'll focus first on what I've learned from many who are mourning about what can be a very difficult aspect of grief and somehow you can feel ashamed - of how you watch others' lives go on normally. And yours has changed so drastically. It's lonely. But we'll also talk about three things you can do to reach out in a meaningful and difference-making way to those who are grieving.
The listener voicemail today is from someone who’s in a relationship where finances are a source of conflict between them – and I’ve heard this problem quite a bit – and have learned to try to remember always to ask about financial arrangements in a partnership. Perhaps many of you have also had difficulty around the issue of money and fairness and trust – so hope it’ll be helpful to you.
So in this episode of SelfWork, sponsored again by BetterHelp, I hope both my experience as a therapist can help you, whether you're mourning, or watching someone you care about grieve. We'll all be in those situations and you can make a difference.
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!