Info

The SelfWork Podcast

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
RSS Feed
The SelfWork Podcast
2022
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2021
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2020
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2019
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2018
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2017
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2016
December
November
October


Categories

All Episodes
Archives
Categories
Now displaying: January, 2021
Jan 29, 2021

How much do you count on people "liking" or "following" you or the videos you put on Instagram, FB or TikTok?  And are you really happy or does your life appear to others as happy? Is your self-esteem found in the present or does it lie in the amount of positive attention something gets on social media? This of course is part of creating the persona of perfectionism that I stress in my work on perfectly hidden depression. But today, we focus on the three components of true happiness and how to add happiness to almost any experience you have: Positive psychologists say that all you have to do is add pleasure, challenge or meaning - and happiness will arrive.

The listener email today is from someone who suffered childhood neglect and knows it’s affecting her relationships in her adult life. I’ll hope to help out where I can.

Hope you enjoy this episode on true happiness - sponsored by BetterHelp.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Victoria Garrick's  TedX Talk “The Hidden Opponent”

Anuschka Rees' Article on three components of true happiness

Episode 124 of SelfWork: Learning From The Voices of Childhood Neglect

Psychology Today article by Dr. Grant Brenner:

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jan 22, 2021

Today’s podcast is one that, if you’ve been listening to SelfWork for a while, you know that this topic has been my own personal passion – as it’s closely aligned with my work on perfectly hidden depression. We’ll talk about ten fears you face when you choose to give up or ease out of being or looking as if you're in total control.

Those ten fears are:

  • The fear of vulnerabilty
  • The fear of uncertainty or unpredictability
  • The fear of facing the past
  • The fear of your anger exploding as it's been long suppressed
  • The fear of not being able to forgive yourself/your imperfections
  • The fear of there being no other way to succeed
  • The fear of rejection
  • The fear of not being needed
  • The fear of being wrong
  • The fear of intimacy

The listener email comes from a graduate psychology student whose experiencing greater and greater insecurity as the end of her training approaches. She wants to know if I felt the same way and what recommendations I could make. How do you bolster your self-confidence when you can’t measure the success of your efforts?

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Episode 214 with  Lewis Howes

Elliot Cohen Psychology Today article

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Jan 15, 2021

If there’s ever been a time when we need to manage our emotions, it’s now. None of us are sure what these next few months will bring – or even 2021 – and that’s true on many fronts. So this week’s podcast is on managing your feelings. The term for doing this in psychology is emotional intelligence, aka EQ. Here's the definition: the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.

Here are the three questions you'll find the answer to today!

1) Does one emotion govern you more than others? And if so, how that might be leading away from actual regulation and more toward instability?.

2) What are some actual things you can do to self-soothe or to learn how to not to react to your emotions, but to respond to them?

3) What to do if you don’t like the way you feel and want to change it.

The listener email today is from someone who strongly related to the fairly recent podcast on trauma bonding. She wanted to know a little more about it – and so I’m answering her question and telling about what I’ve learned both personally and professionally.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Article on leadership and emotional intelligence

SelfWork podcast on understanding and recognizing triggers

SelfWork podcast on becoming an emotional grownup

Dr. Michael Yapko's book Hand Me Down Blues

Daphne Kingma's book Coming Apart

An article in Well And Good about signs that a trauma bond is forming

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jan 12, 2021

There’s an  exciting new product on the market – especially for anyone who has suffered with horrible PTSD-based nightmares. I should first tell you I have no relationship with the makers of this product. But since I've treated many patients with both PTSD and CPTSD, I know how exhausting and frightening these nightmares are. It’s a newly approved product by the FDA for just this use; however, it requires an Apple Watch. I’ve used hypnosis fairly effectively in the past for these kinds of traumatic nightmares – but there are many who don’t understand hypnosis and/or it doesn’t work completely or for a long enough period of time. The testimonials are meaningful, as the research was done with veterans of war and this is the first relief many of them have had from these intrusive and almost constant events.

Important Liinks:

Episode 206 What Dreams Are Made Of

Article announcing Nightware's FDA approval

Nightware's website

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jan 8, 2021

Thank you to all of you who contacted me these past two or three weeks! This week’s episode is a conversation – not literally  - but I’ve heard from so many of you about the last couple of SelfWork podcasts, I wanted to respond. You sent me your stories of your own struggles with a therapist, especially about termination and boundaries; I was very moved to address the core issues of what went wrong and discuss them in more detail.

The listener email is actually two other responses I received about people pleasing - and how that trait had affected therapy. I was reminded that there was even more to it than Episode 212 had covered!

Important Links:

SelfWork Episode 210 on Leaving or Staying In Therapy

SelfWork Episode 212 on People Pleasing

Article by Dr. Clifford Lazarus in Psychology Today on common mistakes

WebMD Link to serotonin syndrome

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Jan 1, 2021

Wow. Sometimes when I pick a subject for SelfWork, I have to dig deep to find research that I can bring that will add clarity or give you what’s new out there on the subject. People pleasing?  There are YouTube videos galore and all kinds of other resources. Most everyone agreed on how it starts - with an anxious/insecure attachment to a parent. We'll define what exactly a people pleaser is, and focus on some issues in therapy that are very specific to those who struggle with being uncomfortable not being the "giver" in the relationship.

The listener email today is fascinating. It's about growing up in a narcissistic family and being handed a role to play - the golden child, the scapegoat and the invisible child being the most common. Her healing began when she began to let go of that old dynamic – and she asks if growing up in a narcissist family might be correlated with perfectly hidden depression.

Important links:

SelfWork episode 062 on Enmeshment

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Amy Morin's Psychology Today article on signs you're a people pleaser

Amy Stoneson's article on her own blog on what makes a people pleaser

Healthline article on attachment style

How to stop being a people pleaser on Medium

Randi Fine's excellent article on roles of children in narcissistic families

Randi's wonderful podcast on anxiety! A Fine Time for Healing

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1