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The SelfWork Podcast

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
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Now displaying: December, 2020
Dec 28, 2020

Here's a bonus episode for you during the holidays!  I couldn’t think of a better guest than Shann Vander Leek. She’s the cohost of the extremely popular podcast AnxietySlayer and the website AnxietySlayer.com. Her gentleness and broad knowledge of all things calming is incredible. She and her partner Ananga have created a complete experience of teaching you the how-to of what you can do right now about your anxiety, through words and music, meditation and calming practices. What I especially love about this episode is that Shann demonstrates some actual techniques you can try while you’re listening as she and I - and now you - do them together.

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Dec 25, 2020

Today's SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, focuses on why, how and why you might choose to end therapy, or more concisely, to leave a particular therapist. We'll cover some "good" reasons to leave, reasons that either have to do with the success you've experienced or reaching your goals, as well as the ones that have to do with disappointment with or even misbehavior or unethical behavior by the therapist themselves.  But we'll also focus on the reasons why you might justify leaving, when in actuality, it may not be in your best interest to do so. I’m a huge believer in the power of good therapy. But it’s not always good. And we need to address how you know when it’s time to leave – or not.

The listener email is once again quite different. I’ll read from a letter I received from a man who’s serving time in prison, He reached out in a very special way – and I thought you’d like to hear.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Good article in Psych Central about reason to leave or not leave therapy

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Dec 18, 2020

I'd planned to do this episode of SelfWork on developing trust in others. But as I researched the question, I realized that first, you have to make sure you can trust your own decision-making. And your gut. I found the work of Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman (who made the most sense to me) on how you can determine if you can trust your gut or not.  There are three questions that need a "yes" answer before you can jump into believing that intuition of yours - and today, on this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll find out what those three questions are. And I offer a five-step process to work your way through those three questions, as well as adding a few ideas of my own.

The listener wrote in for this week described a very painful relationship with his therapist, that had led him to feel even more shame for a porn addiction. Luckily, he was able to recognize what was going on and he left that therapist. I decided I couldn't address such a huge topic - how to handle conflict or disappointment with a therapist - with only an email answer. So I'm going to address this very important issue in Episode 210 of SelfWork.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Psych Today article by Andrea Bonoir,

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

A short summary of Blink.

Daniel Kahneman's book on Audible Thinking Fast and Slow

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Dec 11, 2020

Sometimes my own life offers a topic to me; I was definitely struggling to not be dragged down by my own rumination this past weekend. So many of us are spending hours worrying about Covid, politics, the future, finances, about jobs. The list is endless. So today, in this episode, sponsored once again by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk about rumination. Is it ever helpful? Or is it something that’s dragging you down a rabbit hole of negativity?

The listener email is different this week in format. I was very touched by Kat Cardy, an artist in the UK, who sent me a poem she’d written based on her identification with perfectly hidden depression. I asked her permission to use it and she said yes! It’s lovely… and my heart was very full when she sent it.

I was interviewed on a podcast called Seize the Moment by two New Yorkers,, Alen Ulmann and Leon Garber.  What I didn’t know was that they’d both not only read the book, but identified themselves on the spectrum of PHD; in fact, Leon revealed that he himself had at one time been suicidal, and had told a psychiatrist there was something wrong. The doctor looked at him (he’s a very verbal, friendly guy) and said, “What? No way… you’re not depressed.” We’ve got to stop this from happening..  So they brought their own experience with it to the interview and I learned so much from them. You will see the link to the YouTube interview in the show notes.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Quotes from Dr. Michael Greenberg, a psychologist who specializes in OCD

An article by Medical News Today, listing potential triggers for rumination

Dr. Guy Winch talks about ruminating in this PsychToday article:

Psych Today article by Kathryn Gordon listing eight ways to eliminate negative painful rumination.

Kat Cardy's poem:

Unlocking. Unlocking doesn’t happen all at once. First there’s just emptiness. A lack. A missing. A guarding. A hardening. The reason unknown, but it’s presence noted; Pain caused, joy blocked, love evaded, disconnect... Hurt encapsulated in silt till a heavy rock replaces the alive and vibrant. Continuing unexamined, or else denied outright, And The Lock, Stays. Shut. But should attention settle here, intention stop to lend some care, Either lock, or key, or both is found, A mystery perhaps, but with meaning profound. Then one day it clicks... you may not even realise it, But inch by inch that great key turns, That, frozen for years, begins to stir. A fraction here; I see you, dear. A sliver there; I know you’re near. That solid rock which spirit hid, Oh so slowly turns clear instead. Inching forth, I feel your hurt. And turning more, I know your worth. Glowing embers re-kindle again, The breath of attention nursing flame Til one day, The lock falls away. That light of a soul kept hidden so long Shines forth like a beacon; I’m here, I belong That great treasure guarded all these years, Finally displayed for all to see, A fragile thing, alive and singing, a bird, uncaged, released and free. Unlocking doesn’t happen all at once. But it can happen, if you are patient, kind, and strong.

The Seize The Moment podcast interview

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Dec 9, 2020

YGTG is five minutes of jam-packed info about one concept or idea or behavior - and today it's about emotional bandwidth. People are using the term emotional bandwidth to reveal that they can't tolerate certain emotions or discussions. It's a short cut way of saying, "I can't be there for you right now." But when does it become an almost too impersonal or detached way of absolving yourself from a commitment? It may make something seem almost like a technical glitch rather than a personal choice to withdraw from a commitment that would take emotional maturity and growth. Or rather than the more vulnerable, “I don’t think I can learn how to be the person I thought I could be.”

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Dec 4, 2020

Challenging your assumptions can lead to remarkable change – and can break emotional paralysis. On SelfWork today, sponsored by BetterHelp, we're going to talk about doing the dishes. Yes you heard me – dishes. One of my FB closed group members very aptly posted the story you're about to hear as a way of coping with the stress of the pandemic – to look at your own life through a different lens and see how you could manage your struggles differently – by challenging your own rules/assumptions. When you do, it can bring huge relief, and a tremendous jumpstart to your hope for change – and change that lasts. It's called "second-order change" in psychology and it can be very powerful. 

Our listener email today is from a woman who’s writing about being dominated both at home and at work – I’ll let you listen to her email and see what you think. I was struck by a couple of things – and hope to offer ideas that will be helpful.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Episode 191: Stinkin Thinkin

Second order change Quote and Explanation

Original link to Kate Scott’s piece on Quora

Book entitled Boundaries

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

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