Today's topic was weirdly and almost synergistically created. As I was researching emotional expression, two quite different sources led me to the work of Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett. I'll share her and Dr. Tim Lomas' work with you today, as we discover an entirely new way of thinking about how emotions are created. And maybe just why someone who's learned to "suck it up" struggles to even feel painful emotion at all.
The listener email today was created due to my sticking my foot in my mouth and saying something that was incorrect and potentially hurtful. A listener. who’s also a therapist and has shared this podcast with several of her clients, was very disappointed in me for something I said in the most recent podcast. And she was absolutely right. So I want to set the record straight. I’ve already apologized to her privately, but I wanted to correct and publicly address my overly hasty words.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
A BBC article: by Dr. Tim Lomas
And a quote from him: “In our stream of consciousness – that wash of different sensations feelings and emotions – there’s so much to process that a lot passes us by,” Lomas says. “The feelings we have learned to recognise and label are the ones we notice – but there’s a lot more that we may not be aware of. And so I think if we are given these new words, they can help us articulate whole areas of experience we’ve only dimly noticed.”
Article by Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett
https://www.wired.co.uk/article/lisa-feldman-barrett-emotions
And a quote from her: "If you think about it from a brain's standpoint, it's trapped in a dark, silent box called your skull, and has no access to the causes of the sensations it receives. It only has the effects, and it has to figure out what caused them. So how does it do this? There’s one other thing it can use, and that’s past experience. The idea is that your brain is constantly predicting what sensory inputs to expect and what action to take, based on past experience. Then it uses the incoming input to either confirm its prediction, or change it. It works this way for vision, hearing, taste—for every sense. I think the way emotions are made is not special: your brain makes an emotion by using prior experiences of emotion to predict and explain incoming sensory inputs, and guide action."
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
I had a patient say to me the other day, not in a complaining way, but sort of in a “can’t believe it” kind of way – “I’ve been in therapy with you now for a year. I thought I’d be here for maybe a couple of months.” I want to share a bit of his story as well as others who’ve used therapy not to simply make immediate changes in the direction they’ve wanted or needed - but to make lasting change. Change that sticks.
There are certainly problems like eating disorders, complex trauma and chronic conditions that take patience and time. And you may need to stay in therapy for quite a while in order to risk very difficult changes. But often, therapy is more solution-focused. So today, in this episode of SelfWork sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to focus in on what makes change stick.
Our listener email for today is from someone who says both he and his partner identify with PHD.. So what should they do? I have some ideas...
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Article by Dr. Sean Young in Psychology Today on Neurohacking
An article in Good Therapy on brain spotting and EMDR
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
John Moe first got my attention when I became a podcaster and listened to his very popular podcast The Hilarious World of Depression. What makes him unique and truly loved by his listeners is his transparency about his own depression and his very wry sense of humor. After making a living as a comic, a writer and then an NPR broadcaster, he faced his own severe depression. As he interviewed comedians and celebrities for the podcast, he began to see similar behavior patterns and coping mechanisms in his conversations. He saw that there was tremendous comfort and community in talking about these experiences, (including his own suicidal thoughts and the actual suicide of his older brother Rick), and that humor had a unique power.
He's now written a new book by the same name. I found him a very smart, but modest and thoughtful person who was more than willing to be interviewed by me – not the most accomplished of interviewers as this was the first one I’ve done in literally years. So, I was honored that he wanted to a part of SelfWork.
The episode is about twice as long as most SelfWork episodes; but I think you’ll find that the time flies by. He’s a warm and fascinating guy, whose lived a lot of life, and wants to share what he’s learned. As a therapist, I wanted to know more about his depression, rather than about the podcast. And my questions reflect that. If you’ve ever been depressed, lived through a complex family life, even wondered if your depression might’ve been handed down to you within your family – what’s termed transgenerational trauma - this is the episode for you. Come laugh. Come learn. And come join me and John Moe for a conversation about learning to live with and manage chronic depression. .
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
The Hilarious World of Depression on Amazon
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Round Two is coming your way! I had both many women and men attend the Part One of this free workshop on July 30th and their questions were both poignant and intriguing. Part One explained the potential dangers of perfectionism and what exactly perfectly hidden depression is and why it occurs. If you missed Part One, no problem! You can watch it at my website: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/workshop.
Now in Part Two, we'll talk about working and creating new strategies to handle this need and how to become someone who can accept yourself for both your strengths and your vulnerabilities. We'll cover the five stages of healing covered in my book as well as give a sampling of exercises from the book.
The difference between my work on perfectionism and other workbooks is I talk about "why." Knowing the why you needed to look as if your life was perfect can lead you to a true change in your outlook and entire life. I hope you'll join me! August 13th, 6:00 EST. You can go to EventBrite to register or to my website: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/workshop. I'll see you there!
Today we’re going to talk about embarrassment. I was listening to Brené Brown's relatively new podcast called Unlocking Us and heard her use a term I didn’t know. The term was self-conscious emotions and embarrassment is one of them. In this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll cover how young you are when you can feel embarrassment, what you can learn from failure, and the positive aspects of embarrassment. You might be surprised!
I’ve often said you learn a lot more from failure – and I personally have done just that. But how does it get to be something you can learn from rather than something you must avoid at all costs? Why is it that some people cannot tolerate being embarrassed and thus live extremely risk averse lives?
The listener email today is from a woman who only recently revealed sexual abuse to her therapist – before not even deeming it important enough to discuss - and how those revelations are changing her for the better.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
A Time article featuring Brené Brown's answers to ten questions
Dr. Michael Lewis’ research on embarrassment and child development
Tyson Hartnett article on fearing failure
Article in LifeScience by Remy Melina about positive aspects embarrassment
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!