Getting lost in a relationship. .. if you’ve ever done it, you know the sinking feeling in your gut that comes when you think about it again. Somehow your “self” – the you that you knew before the relationship began - got ignored, changed, forgotten, absorbed, or even ridiculed. There are lots of reasons how this could happen. Actual abuse, manipulation by someone with narcissistic traits or other disorders, being lied to and deceived. Doing all the giving and very little receiving. I could go on and on about the “why’. But today, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, I'll be sharing my own story of "self"-recovery. And we'll turn to Dr. Guy Winch's advice about putting you back together again – but in a new and hopefully wiser way.
The listener email is from a man whose wife displays many of the traits of perfectly hidden depression, but he doesn’t know how to approach her, and he’s also wondering about how perfectionism could be viewed through the lens of attachment theory.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Test to assess attachment styles found in Psychology Today
Article entitled "The Darker Side of Perfectionism which addresses its relationship with perfectionism
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Test to assess attachment styles found in Psychology Today
Article entitled "The Darker Side of Perfectionism which addresses its relationship with perfectionism
Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!
Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health
Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com
Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork
Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!
Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health
Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com
Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork
Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!
Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health
Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com
Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork
Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!
Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health
Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com
Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork
Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Today we’re talking about telemental health. I asked lots of people about their experience and have some of the most recent research for you. I’d already investigated this because BetterHelp is a sponsor of SelfWork. But I dig into this even deeper because telemental health is being used exponentially more during this pandemic. And there are ways that you and your therapist can set it up for even better success -- I'll give you tips how!
Our listener email today is from someone who feels guilt that she’s pulling away from an enmeshed relationship with her parents – where it was her job to act as go-between. And although they made her life very comfortable and provided lots of valuable activities and experiences, it sounds like there was a price to pay.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
The governmental study in 2017 on telemental health
Article on "Zoom fatigue" found on Ted.com
Podcast on enmeshment/SelfWork
Blogpost on enmeshment/drmargaretrutherford.com
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Warning: This episode uses examples from the lives of real people who’ve been bullied by their own parents. So please listen with caution. Here are a couple of numbers, one for the sexual abuse textline in the US and one for the US National Suicide Hotline.
In this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk about bullies that might be in your life today. Or from your past. What makes someone a bully? Is being a bully a diagnostic category? And as always, what can you do about it and how can you heal?
The listener email is from a young woman who sounds to me as if she has, sadly, gone from the frying pan into the fire, and chosen a familiar pain – one that she felt in the biological famly, and now playing that out with the family she married into.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Teaser for Mean Girls
Teaser for Wonder
Episode 139 on borderline and narcissistic personality disorder.
Blog post on domestic violence and the difficulty in leaving.
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
.
Wow. Questions about perfectly hidden depression (PHD) are pouring in! And of course that gives me a thrill. But also there's understandable confusion. Perfectionism is supposed to be about anxiety, not depression, right? (The answer is yes and a definite no -- not all the time.) Is the depression that’s covered up by perfectionism the same as classic depression? And so many others. The questions come from all age groups and describe very different kinds of reasons or pathways on how they fell into needing to look perfect. Your questions deserve my time and attention.
SelfWork isn’t therapy. I obviously don’t have a therapeutic relationship with people who write in, so I encourage each and every one of these listeners to seek therapy locally or online. If you need to take the book or a podcast into that therapist and begin the session with, “I’m very often not who I look like I am," then that’s where you start.
So we don't have one listener email today, but six. Thank you all so much for writing in.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!.
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!