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The SelfWork Podcast

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
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Now displaying: 2019
Jul 19, 2019

What does it mean to “feel invisible?” Like you don’t matter. You aren’t a vital part of things. You’re being overlooked or seen only for what you can do instead of for who you are. That perception can be part of depression, and that “invisibility” may be imagined or misperceived. But sometimes it’s reality, not […]

The post 138 SelfWork: The Many Ways to Feel Invisible and How to Find Your Voice appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Jul 12, 2019

Medications. You are bombarded with advertisements for them everywhere. And meds for mental health are no exception. In today’s show, I’m offering my clinical perspective as a psychologist (as well as expert advice from Dr. Michael Yapko) after watching thousands of people over the years try out different medications and working hand in hand with […]

The post 137 SelfWork: Let’s Talk Medications – From a Psychologist’s Point of View appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Jul 5, 2019

Do you live by the rule, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going?’ In this podcast, I offer another way of approaching life when it gets tough — an approach that honors both the need to forge ahead when things get hard, but one that won’t lead to emotional and even physical burnout. I […]

The post 136 SelfWork: When the Going Gets Tough.. Self-Composure vs. Stoicism appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Jun 28, 2019

Your emails are coming in fast and furious so I decided today that I would answer some of those questions with everyone and we can continue to learn from one another. The subjects range from trauma to ending a relationship to having trouble letting go of regrets and shame to perfectly hidden depression. — so […]

The post 135 SelfWork: Your Questions My Answers (and a big announcement…) appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Jun 21, 2019

Money and the distrust that can be created because of it in a partnership or marriage is what’s on the agenda for today. It’s amazing how many people commit to one another and never touch the subject. We’ll talk about the business of relationships and common problems people run into when they initially establish their […]

The post 134 SelfWork: Making A Distrustful Mess with Money and Marriage appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Jun 14, 2019

Today we’re talking about psychological disorders that have to do with you, food, and exercise that have the power to damage your child’s body image and self-esteem as well — no matter how you try to keep it out of their life. Both moms and dads can have struggles that not only damage their own […]

The post 133 SelfWork: “I Have Body Image Issues.” The Damage of Eating Disorders and Seven Things You Can Do appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Jun 7, 2019

Is therapy really helpful when a relationship is in trouble? And what are the kinds of things you need to realize about therapy that might increase the chances of it being effective? Let’s talk about what’ s important in choosing a couples therapist, but also I’ll offer a roadmap to guide your healing. There are […]

The post 132 SelfWork: Where Do I Begin If I Want A Better Relationship? Change What You Do, What You Say and What You Think. That’s All. appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

May 31, 2019

Father hunger… when your dad isn’t or wasn’t available or connected with you either due to divorce, death or disinterest — causes many problems for a child and the family as a whole. But the numbers are staggering of how many homes are without dads. There are so many engaged dads out there, but when […]

The post 131 SelfWork: When Your Dad Isn’t A Dad. The Effects of Father Hunger appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

May 24, 2019

No one particularly likes to fail. And what does it have to do with flying a kite? In this episode, we’ll talk about the power that failure can have in your life and what can help you learn from it. Because failure is inevitable. And far too many people shame themselves for failure and then […]

The post 130 SelfWork: The Power of Failure and What You Can Learn From Flying a Kite appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

May 17, 2019

We’re talking self-talk here today. What is it? And what can you do about it? A lot of people tell me they kinda “know” what it is, but haven’t a clue how to change it. It feels as if it’s too elusive. How could you possibly rein in what your mind is telling you about […]

The post 129 SelfWork: Challenging and Changing Negative Self-Talk appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

May 10, 2019

  Dr. Jennifer Ashton of ABC News was interviewed this week as she revealed the suicidal death of her ex-husband. She stated quite clearly that he displayed none of the signs of depression that she had studied in medical school. None of them. I need to read her new book on surviving the suicide of […]

The post 128 SelfWork: What Happens When You Quit Perfectly Hiding Depression? You Find Grief. appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

May 3, 2019

There are many ways of creating problems in relationships, but there are two manipulations that are sometimes harder to see than out and out contempt or defensiveness. They are stonewalling, basically “the silent treatment” and gaslighting, when someone tries to undermine your own perceptions to the point where you distrust your own mind. The first […]

The post 127 SelfWork: The Two Masked Marks of Manipulation aka Stonewalling and Gaslighting appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Apr 26, 2019

Do you find satisfaction and fulfillment at work? You spend many hours there so if you don’t, that can be a huge problem. In this episode, I’ve found some experts on the workplace to discuss this vital issue. What do studies show are the most important factors in being happy at work? The results are […]

The post 126 SelfWork: What Makes Your Work Life… Work? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Apr 19, 2019

Social anxiety and shyness often get confused, but they’re far from the same. So what is social anxiety? What happens when you suffer from it? And what can you do about it? I’ll offer six steps to consider, as once again, we focus on “what you can do about it.” The listener email today is […]

The post 125 SelfWork: Fighting the Fear and Loneliness of Social Anxiety appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Apr 12, 2019

Childhood neglect can be much more confusing to work through. It’s abuse all right. But its message was just as harsh as physical beatings or harsh punishment. What is that message? That you weren’t worth feeding, or being educated. Whatever physical or emotional pain you had didn’t matter. What you experienced simply didn’t matter. And […]

The post 124 SelfWork: Learning from the Voices of Childhood Neglect appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Apr 5, 2019

I’ve had the pleasure of working with several people who’ve come to me due to my writing about perfectionism and perfectly hidden depression. So we’re going to be talking about the fear of losing your edge – the edge that you believe keeps you on your toes, keeps you doing better, doing more, doing doing doing… […]

The post 123 SelfWork: Are You Afraid of Losing Your Edge? Challenging Perfectionism in the Workplace appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Mar 29, 2019

 

What’s love addiction? Some people use the term to describe someone who’s constantly seeking relationships. But today we’re talking about how you can be addicted to the drama of a relationship – addicted to breaking up and getting back together – addicted to the very edginess and even arguing that can be involved. We’ll look […]

The post 122 SelfWork: What’s Love Got to Do With It: Love Addiction and Narcissism appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Mar 22, 2019

Trauma. Sometimes even hearing that word can make all of us cringe. Trauma is the emotional response to an event or experience occurring that was tragic and life-altering, such as a tornado, war, or a rape. You are said to be “traumatized.”  We all have unique responses to it. And ways to combat the fear, […]

The post 121 SelfWork: Recovering from Trauma and How to Recreate a Sense of Safety appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Mar 15, 2019

Disappointment is hard to hear, and sometimes hard to reveal, but it’s also inevitable in a relationship. Whether it’s a one-time event or there’s a pattern that’s been established, there’s a way to work them out. But it takes emotional maturity and realizing that each time you work through a disappointment together, you build trust. […]

The post 120 SelfWork: The Role of Disappointment in Relationships: How Much Is Too Much? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Mar 8, 2019

Vulnerability is a topic near and dear to my heart because I believe it’s so important to true change and growth. As prominent researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown says, “You can’t get to change without vulnerability.. period.” Vulnerability requires opening up, letting others in and telling your truth. Most of my most obvious vulnerability […]

The post 119 SelfWork: Why Risk Telling Your Truth? Why Risk Vulnerability? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Mar 1, 2019

I was caught off guard the other day when in my FaceBook group, I asked them to journal about a specific topic, and someone wrote that they didn’t know what journaling was. So let’s talk about journaling. What is it? How is it helpful? Are there specific problems where journaling is particularly helpful? What might make […]

The post 118 SelfWork: The Incredible Power of Journaling appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Feb 22, 2019

Have you made choices you terribly regret? How do you evaluate the decisions you make? Most of us might say that a choice was “right” if in five days, or five months or five years. we still feel that it was. If it stands up to the test of time, we can reassure ourselves that […]

The post 117 SelfWork: A Three Step Guide to Making Decisions You Won’t (Likely) Regret appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Feb 15, 2019

What’s the difference, or is there one, between Perfectly Hidden Depression and what’s called high-functioning depression? I’m particularly motivated – in fact very sadly motivated – to talk about it because of an email I received this week from a woman whose husband killed himself. He was in his early 40’s. And no one could […]

The post 116 SelfWork: Do You Have Perfectly Hidden or High Functioning Depression? And Why Does It Matter? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Feb 8, 2019

Step-parenting may be one of the hardest jobs on earth, second only to parenting. It’s complicated, awesome, frustrating and sometimes downright irritating. Blending families successfully takes much more time than people want to think. There can be lots of personalities involved, old wounds and new hurts. So much depends on time and in what context […]

The post 115 SelfWork: The Awesome, Frustrating, Complicated Job of Step-Parenting and How to Avoid Common Mistakes appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Feb 1, 2019

How do you find a therapist? What are the pros and cons if you get a referral from a friend? What questions is it okay to ask before you start working with them? All of these questions will be answered today. Finding a therapist that you believe understands and tunes into you is a vital […]

The post 114 SelfWork: How to Find and Interview A Potential Therapist appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

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