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The SelfWork Podcast

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
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Now displaying: November, 2019
Nov 29, 2019

Depression, anxiety, and emotional paralysis can go hand in hand. But today we're talking today about fear – plain old unadulterated fear. But not fear about uncomfortable or destructive things. We're talking about fear of positive change the keeps you stuck in behaviors that are a problem for you.  What are those potential fears? There are five that we'll discuss in this week's episode of The SelfWork Podcast.

  • A fear of the loss of stability or what's known
  • fear of emotional vulnerability
  • fear of ambiguity or even failure
  • fear of shame that you didn’t change before -- and
  • fear of relationship change

Each one of these fears can prevent you from visualizing yourself being able to change in a direction that feels good and positive to you and can cause a real emotional paralysis. But we'll also talk about what you can do about it and how you can work with these fears.

The listener email is from a woman from South Africa who took advantage of the SpeakPipe experience and left me a message about her struggle to want to be with her family as opposed to her spouse. She wants to know, "Is there something wrong with that?"

Important Links:

A description of family systems theory (centrifugal versus centripetal families) by Dr.W.Robert Beavers

Episode 062 of SelfWork on Enmeshment

You can hear more about the aftermath of abuse and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

Nov 22, 2019

If you've been sexually abused in any way, it changes the way you live your life. You can heal but it takes work and courage. But what if you're abused, you report or tell someone about it and you're not believed? This aftermath of abuse -- this total negation of what happened -- can feel even worse than the initial trauma. That's what we're focusing on today on SelfWork. If you've been abused, listening may trigger you in some way. So please take care. Ask for help if you need it. The hotline numbers for both the UK and the US can be found in the show notes.

The listener email is from a young woman who’s identified with perfectly hidden depression but doesn’t know how to begin to look for a therapist… and how to reveal her hiding.

Important links:

The Indianapolis Star revealed massive exploitation and coverup of sexual abuse in the US Gymnastics program

RAINN's statistics: most rapes never get reported. Other figures are staggering.

Andy Woodward's story as he  revealed the details of his abuse.

Study identifying several irrational beliefs about male sexual abuse.

My own article on becoming sexually aroused during the abuse

Studies indicate that 1/3 of abused male children are likely to abuse.

In the UK, The Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. For the RAINN sexual abuse hotline click here.

You can hear more about the aftermath of abuse and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Nov 15, 2019

This week I had an interview with Dr. Rami Wehbi who's host of the podcast Beyond Medicine and a fabulous listener. That particular experience led me to talk about what gets in the way of good listening. I chose three dynamics of the numerous ones that are out there: making assumptions, needing to be right, and avoidance of conflict and compromise. I offer solutions or ideas of what you can do about those issues, basically other attitudes or beliefs or habits you can shift into to make your conversations more meaningful and actually productive.

The listener email is from a young woman who is a sexual abuse survivor but wasn’t believed by her family – until now. She’s asking what’s the best course for her to follow – and my most important advice to make a choice that she feels good about and doesn't re-victimize her in any way.

You can hear more about good communication and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Nov 8, 2019

Depression can steal your sense of vitality. Your "get up and go" or your motivation to reach goals that mean something to you can disappear. It's called anhedonia -- basically the lack of pleasure in (or motivation for) activities that used to mean something to you or to try on new challenges.

But you don't have to be depressed for this to happen. Plain old insecurity can morph into passivity. And the dream of attaining certain goals can seem so far out of reach that you don't know how to become who you want to be.

Enter the "as if" technique. Dr. Margaret will outline four basic steps that can guide you to find your motivation and make the changes possible that have seemed out of reach. And she gives both tangible and more intangible examples of how to make the progress you want to make.

The listener email for this week describes the pain that a mother or father can have if their child appears to have a volatile personality disorder. Can you have some kind of relationship with someone with BPD? It's one of the most asked questions in the emails Dr. Margaret receives as there is so much pain involved.

You can hear more about creating change and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Nov 1, 2019

The victim mentality or emotional martyrdom are personality traits that are very difficult to handle in relationships. It's when someone people pleases to the point of intense self-sacrifice, which leads to bitterness, misunderstanding and drama. At its base is immense insecurity, but it takes a lot of insight for someone with this mentality to see themselves and their impact on others objectively. Today I'll describe the major characteristics and what patterns of behavior someone who is in a relationship with an emotional martyr may observe.

This episode is airing on what is an important day for me. Perfectly Hidden Depression, my book on breaking free from damaging and destructive perfectionism,  is available as of today in both paperback form and as an ebook or Kindle. You can read more about it and order here! 

To celebrate, we’ve updated SelfWork a bit – a new cover and a slightly new name, The SelfWork Podcast. Simply a freshening up of what has become one of my favorite ways of reaching out!

Today's listener email is from a young mom who is struggling with depression after the birth of her fourth child, but she's calling it "yearning to be alone." We'll talk about how postpartum depression can be something you shame yourself for, rather than for the condition that it is.

Important Link:

Article from Your Tango by Nancy Carbone

You can hear more about perfectly hidden depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

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