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The SelfWork Podcast

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
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Now displaying: 2017
Dec 29, 2017

How long has it been since you touched your partner? Not in a sexual way, but a simple touch… It’s amazing to me how many people in long-term relationships have fallen into the rut of not touching one another. It can be awkward to begin again, but is a simple, free way to improve your […]

The post 056 SelfWork: The Vital Importance Of Touch appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Dec 17, 2017

In this special edition of SelfWork, Dr. Margaret launches a new website and podcast design in celebration of her fifth anniversary of taking a risk and beginning to blog. It’s somewhat bittersweet, as she also honors the deaths of her parents on the same day. Join her as she thanks readers and listeners for all […]

The post 055 SelfWork: An Anniversary Of Grief And Gratitude. appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Dec 15, 2017

“Always be humble and kind” was a huge country hit last year, and Dr. Margaret talks in this episode about making mistakes and learning from them. How do you actually do that? She offers five pragmatic ideas of accepting mistakes, and specific questions to ask so that you may be less likely to make them […]

The post 054 SelfWork: How To Learn From A Mistake appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Dec 8, 2017

Parenting is hard, overwhelming in fact at times. And there are some common fights that couples have. “Who’s working harder in this relationship?” can be a very destructive one. “You don’t know what it’s like to be home with the kids.” Or “You come home from work, and all you do is stay on your […]

The post 053 SelfWork: 7 Ways To Feel Partnered In Parenting appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Nov 29, 2017

If your life has been tragically touched by suicide, coping with that loss is like no other grief. In this episode of SelfWork, I’ll talk about that specific grief, and the research that looks at the reasons people take their own lives. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is often found in those who’ve experienced their loved […]

The post 052 SelfWork: Coping with Suicide appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Nov 21, 2017

For many women, being thin is worshipped like no other physical attribute. Not your hair, not your muscles, not your voice. The greatest compliment a woman can hear (at least according to some)? “You look like you’ve lost weight…”. For girls or women with anorexia, staying thin becomes an addictive compulsion. Every waking minute they’re thinking […]

The post 051 SelfWork: The Silent Agony of Staying Thin appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Nov 17, 2017

Could you be functioning well -in fact “perfectly” in many ways — and underneath it all, be hiding pain, loneliness or even suicidal thoughts? Dr. Margaret’s term for this is Perfectly Hidden Depression (PHD), a syndrome of behaviors that can lead to a way-too-manicured persona out there for the public to see, while below the […]

The post 050 SelfWork: Is Perfectly Hidden Depression Real? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Nov 13, 2017

You can hear the pressures beginning to mount in people’s voices, as we all approach the holiday season. Dr. Margaret offers her own personal story of her parents’ deaths the week before Christmas of 2007, and how giving herself options was key in balancing the meaning of rituals with her grief. Rituals can be incredibly […]

The post 049 SelfWork: Honoring Your Rituals And You During The Holidays appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Nov 3, 2017

Apologizing, saying “I’m sorry,” is quite difficult for many people. Yet a sincere heartfelt apology can make a world of difference in a relationship. Dr. Margaret adds to a list of good and not so good apologies that appeared in The Wall Street Journal (written by Elizabeth Bernstein), including the contingency apology, the passing the […]

The post 048 SelfWork: The Apology. The Good, The Bad And The Ugly appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Oct 27, 2017

Narcissism has been a hot topic for the past few years, with many people writing about their fate — being attracted to and trying to love someone with narcissistic traits. Dr. Margaret talks clearly about what narcissism is and what it’s not, as well as offering five recognitions about your own role in the furor […]

The post 047 SelfWork: If You Love (Or Have Loved) A Narcissist appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Oct 20, 2017

If you haven’t heard about Harvey Weinstein, you may have been living under a rock the last couple of weeks. He’s been accused of sexual harassment and assault by multiple women. Dr. Margaret relays an incident in her own history with sexual harassment, and how it made her feel. She also focuses on human’s normal […]

The post 046 SelfWork: How A Woman Feels Around A Harvey Weinstein appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Oct 13, 2017

Dr. Margaret received a fascinating question from a listener recently. “How do I learn to feel my feelings, when I’ve been suppressing them for years?” The key is self-compassion, and it’s vital in healing from depression, anxiety or what I term perfectly hidden depression. Dr. Margaret focuses on self-compassion, giving examples from her own patients […]

The post 045 SelfWork: Self-Compassion. What It Is And Why It’s Vital appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Oct 9, 2017

If you have already experiencing depression, anxiety or even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), you may be being triggered by the horrific massacre in Las Vegas. In this special edition of SelfWork, Dr. Margaret offers some important ideas on how to process your thoughts and emotions if your symptoms have re-emerged or are worsening. Please […]

The post 044 SelfWork: Is Your PTSD, Depression Or Anxiety Being Triggered By The Last Vegas Tragedy? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Oct 6, 2017

Friends. They’re often your “family of choice.” They can be wonderfully satisfying, intellectually challenging, and just plain fun. But what happens when one friend backs out of the friendship?  How do you understand it, grieve the loss and move on? Dr. Margaret speaks again of her own experience with being “ghosted” by a friend, and […]

The post 043 SelfWork: When Friendships End appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Sep 28, 2017

“I’m not in love with you anymore.” These are words that can bring pain, confusion — a total feeling of rejection and emotional abandonment. How do couples try to prevent this from happening? What do you need to do to stay connected and committed? What’s the one question you heed to ask yourself? Dr. Margaret […]

The post 042 SelfWork: How To Fall Back In Love (Or Make Sure You Stay) appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Sep 21, 2017

Loving “long distance” is something that many people have to learn how to do. Whether you live far away from parents, your partner, your children or great friends, maintaining that relationship can require understanding, flexibility and other significant personal skills. Dr. Margaret tells her personal story of living away from loved ones, both as a […]

The post 041 SelfWork: Making “Long Distance Love” Work appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Sep 15, 2017

The rate of suicide is increasing dramatically in the United States as well as internationally, both in teenagers and in midlife. As this is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month in the US, Dr. Margaret discusses this cultural shift, quoting the fascinating work of prominent researcher Jean Twenge who reports a relationship between the emergence of the […]

The post 040 SelfWork: Depression, Suicide And Your Cell Phone appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Sep 8, 2017

There’s tremendous controversy about whether or not gender differences occur as a result of cultural influence or are they innate. What’s important for this podcast isn’t how they’re created, but what influence do they have on a couple’s communication? Dr. Margaret tells about her own observations in working with couples, and shares the ideas from […]

The post 039 SelfWork: The Unique Basic Needs Of Women And Men appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Sep 1, 2017

“When I sat down to record this morning, I could only think of the many tragedies, caused by humans and by nature, that have been occurring for the last few weeks and months. I felt paralyzed. What did what I might have to say matter? Then I remembered a stranger’s kindness, and I smiled.” Dr. Margaret tells […]

The post 038 SelfWork: Kindness Matters appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Aug 26, 2017

Parenting. It’s hectic, Complicated. Fatiguing. Wonderful. Meaningful. Frightening. One would think that it would be easier with two people doing it, and it is in many ways. But you can get in battles about everything from who’s the better parent to who cares the most to who is the better disciplinarian. Dr. Margaret offers four […]

The post 037 SelfWork: How To Parent Well Together appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Aug 19, 2017

In today’s podcast, Dr. Margaret talks about a certain type of shame that’s rarely revealed after sexual abuse. What is that shame? It’s the result of your body responding with arousal during the actual abuse itself. What’s vital to understand is that arousal doesn’t reflect consent — not in any way. Dr. Margaret describes conditions […]

The post 036 SelfWork: The Shame No One Talks About After Sexual Abuse appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Aug 14, 2017

No one has a “say” in the kind of parents we had. Some are lucky, and have parents who loved them deeply and cared for them in a healthy way. Many are not so lucky, and have to deal with very painful memories, the emotions that stem from them, and how their present life may […]

The post 035 SelfWork: Four Steps To Heal From Parental Abuse appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Aug 12, 2017

There is a huge difference between divorce with children, and divorce without children. Dr. Margaret offers nine practical and do-able choices to make when living out your divorced life, with shared children. “Getting along for the children’s sake” can lead to your children to survive the divorce and thrive in their lives, whereas a continuation […]

The post 034 SelfWork : Divorce. How To “Get Along For The Kids’ Sake” appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Aug 5, 2017

What is the relationship between self-esteem and self-acceptance? And how do you manage to hang on to either when you’re experiencing depression? Dr. Margaret gives you her perspective, with the offering that no one fact about you defines you as a person. She also describes the difference between resignation and acceptance, and how the latter […]

The post 033 SelfWork: How Self-Esteem And Self-Acceptance Work Together, Even With Depression appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

Jul 29, 2017
032 SelfWork: The Nine Paths To Perfectly Hidden Depression

Hiding or detaching temporarily from emotional pain is a healthy skill. If you have something hurtful happen, but you need to “get your act together” in order to work, or watch children, then knowing you can do that rather than being besieged by your pain, reflects emotional competence. However, people with Perfectly Hidden Depression have […]

The post 032 SelfWork: The Nine Paths To Perfectly Hidden Depression appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

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